Crossroads
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
5:54 PM
4 comments

No Tim, not Crossroads as in the movie which had Britney Spears in it. What do one do when one is at crossroads? Especially when the one going left is so defined and pebbled and the one going right is so blurry and undefined. Easy, make a road going in between both roads, it's hard but it can be done, and when the time is right the blurried road would be more visible and you can get yourself ready to trudge back there. So service desk here I come, and in 2 months time, CSI,,,uhmmm I meant C & SI ( Consulting and Systems Integration ) will be my turf, I hope.

Feeling: Slightly befuddled, wishful
Listening: Ambulance Limited - Stay where you are


Lizz



Closer
Monday, April 25, 2005
11:52 AM
0 comments

The weird thing about watching a movie that involves around 4 adults is that, you can't help but think about how appropriate the movie is. To me, that is. And perhaps to another certain person. That's what I felt when I fully watched Closer last weekend, about how one's life can intertwine with another in the most unexpected ways, it got me thinking about the people in my life, the ones that has left and the ones that are still around. About how I met them, and how their existence changed me. Not to mention too, the song that was used for the movie, Damien Rice's The Blower's Daughter, has significant meaning to life. I like the song. I don't know, but to that person, I don't know how the future's going to be like, for once I can't foresee anything, probably it's because I'm trying not to have that self fulfilling prophecy crap going on for me and you.

On a lighter note, I did have a nice weekend, a good one, I had great company, I gotten to do some reading, gotten my cravings for lala, sate, and william's spaggetti. Did some window shopping, went to Borders. Borders rocks! Spent quality time with somebody, eating banana leave rice. Yummy, now with the amount of food I'm consuming I am worried that I will grow fat. I hope not, maybe I should start going to the gym now.

As for my job, I am currently waiting for the mafia kingpin to impose judgement on moi. Hope it's something good, *keeps my fingers and toes cross. Now I have a craving to have a cook out. Irene, you have tempt me girl, let's have a cook out, as soon as possible. Cooking good food and seeing ppl enjoying it, priceless. ;) I'm hungry now, it's actually already 3 sumthing, I just had lunch and I'm hungry again.

Listening to: Damien Rice's The Blower's Daughter
Reading: David Hewson's A Season for the Dead
Feeling: Happy, at peace, melancholy too


Lizz



Of support
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
5:31 PM
1 comments

I just thought of this when I was busy running around today for my disaster recovery drill. I have the best people around me. And I love them all. To those who has listened to me bitch endlessly about everything, thanks. I needed that ( now if only my bitchy management program works ;) ). To those who has put up with me being harsh on them, thank you, now I realized that I shouldn't be in that way anymore, because I'm surrounded by you guys. To those who loves me ( if there's any, ;) ), I love you all too. To those who has been very supportive towards me, thank you, coz now I want to be supportive towards you too. And that's the end of my mushy post.


Lizz



Red Riding Hood
Friday, April 15, 2005
6:17 PM
4 comments

Can't resist it but I gotta post this.

The red riding hood story as we know it now is a byproduct of Charles Perrault, who tidied up the folk tales of France for popular consumption in the 18th Century. Other changes, implemented later on were the happy endings and less gory features.

This is the original version:

A little girl was told to bring bread and milk to her grandmother. As she was walking through the wood, a wolf came up to her and asked her where she was going.

"To grandmother's house" She answered.

The wolf ran off and arrived first at the house. He killed the grandmother, poured her blood into a bottle and sliced her flesh onto a plate. The he got into her nightclothes and waited in the bed.

Knock Knock.
"Come in, my dear", the wolf said.
"I've brought you some bread and milk, grandmother", the girl said.
"Have something yourself, my darling. There is meat and wine in the pantry", the wolf said.

The little girl ate what was offered. And as she did, a little cat said,

"Slut! To eat the flesh and drink the blood of your own grandmother!"

The the wolf said , "Undress, and get into bed with me."
"Where shall I put my skirt?" ask the little girl.
"Throw it into the fire, you won't need it anymore.", said the wolf

For each garment, petticoat, bodice and stockings the girl asked the same question. And the wolf replied " Throw it on the fire, you won't need it anymore.".

When the girl go into bed, she said " Grandmother, how hairy you are"
" It keeps me warmer, my dear", the wolf said.

" Oh grandmother, what long nails you have", the little girl said.
" There are for scratching myself, my dear", the wolf said.

" Oh grandmother what big teeth you have", the little girl said,
" They are for eating you, my dear", the wolf said.

And he ate her.

Alritey peeps, this is still a milder version of the story, the actual one revolves around raping, bestiality and paedophile-like elements. So what can be concluded out of this? Ppl in the old ages were pretty kinky and bloody sick too. LOL.


Lizz



Updates / Konking out my hard disk / Disrespectfulness
Thursday, April 14, 2005
1:01 PM
1 comments

Honestly, what I can't stand is a person who ask and invite you out, and in then you ask him back again about it coz he didn't get back to you on it. Another one which I can't stand either is, you ask him out, both of you plan, then he chickened out. It would've been fine if it wasn't for the " I'll give you what's yours ", statements. That's what I called utter disrespect for words and promises, and to moi of course. Oh well, la di da.

KONKING OUT THE HARD DISK
Yeap the fucked up notebook of mine broke down on me, sure of all time it has to be now. Bloody hell. I'm not having the time of my life around here am I? Especially when I know I'm under god's wrath for being a bitch, but nevertheless I don't fucking care already. Bloody 6 year old bully.

UPDATES
alrite lets go thru it by days, lets start with Sunday

SUNDAY
Finally mustered up enough guts to officially have a time off from Peejay, yeap I've done it peeps after being such a wuss over it. And of course after talking to god knows how many ppl over it, my parents included. My dad was pretty cool about seeing that I called him like 5 in the morning just to talk. Sheesshh. To Tim, thanks for coming over that night to keep me company, really meant alot. As for the rest of the day for Sunday, I met up with Leonard over coffee, where I was thinking I so hate you to him, coz he was getting a powerbook. Lucky bastard. Went out with Tim, saw Josie, Ma'eka and Daniel. Saw Alyssa too that night, she's cute lah Tim. Then went to see Anne and Albert. I haven't seen you guys as often as I was last time. Miss you guys.

MONDAY
Got busy at work, as the day ended went for the I-Hate-Mondays-YumChar session, and I just have to say this. Daniel threw fried anchovies everywhere. What the fuck!! Sorry for your food too Tim, I dunno why you ordered that, Spirelli indeed. OOOHHH Your girlie hairband, geez how how girlie can you look lah with that freaky girlie looking hairband lah. LOL. Went back later on, spoke to Irene on the phone. Miss her alot, she's in Penang now. I miss you dear.

TUESDAY
Meeting with the losers. Went well. Ask someone out, he agreed, then he chickened out, then I went back, and had supper with Tim and Alyssa. The reappearance of the hairband, by which Tim feigned ignorance, a snippet of a rather weird out conversation all 3 of us had later on in the Bang Bus ( now I believe it's called Mighty Donkey right Tim? ).

Alyssa and me go into the Bang Bus. Tim unlocked his door and got in.

Me: You locked the door? ( amazed )
Tim: Why not? I don't want anybody stealing the Bang Bus.
Alyssa: But the thing is you didn't lock the other doors, so ppl could steal come and steal it.
Me: And who in their right mind would want to steal Bang Bus lah? Even robbers running out of a bank will be aghast over it.
Tim: Well if it does get stolen, then I can report. And when the cop ask "ader kunci tak?". I can answer I locked the drivers door.
( Take note that while Tim was saying this he looked as if seriously believed in the crap he just spouted, so you can only imagine the looks on me and Alyssa's faces )
I can only say this Tim, You're one weird ass dude, even though we did talk about the merits of your posterior, but really you're weird.

WEDNESDAY
Saw me meeting the users again, over the next drill. It went well, coz I like some of the users from this batch. Nicole, you are one great IS person. Not to mention, you look gorgeous. Heheheh LOL. Went out for supper. Met up with Leonard at Starbucks in Mont Kiara ( Good timing coz I was craving for the hot chocolate for reasons only some would know , ;) ), couldn't resist looking at his new toy, the powerbook. Cun sial. Though again he was bitching about something or another. Tim joined and of course Tim being Tim had to ask me about timun lah, mouselah and all the nonsensical stuff.

TODAY
Feeling ticked off coz my hard disk died on me....just as I thought things can't get any worse I'm deluged by users ( that includes unofficial users too ) with predominantely low IQ levels. SHIT! HELP!!!

gtg.


Lizz



Weird huh?
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
6:42 PM
0 comments

Weird huh? When you thought what you've been doing in your life all this while was right and all of a sudden it felt all wrong. The things you've done,you thought you would never regret over, all of a sudden becomes that. Self fullfillment. Fullfilling your own prophecy by behaving in that way. Ppl talking about your pride and dignity being your own undoing. Yeap. You make decisions and convinced others its the right thing, yeap, pride and dignity. The inability to really overcome pride and dignity, why? The fear of being hurt when you've gotten too deep. Mistook pride and dignity for strength. Abit is fine, but to still be able to act like normal ppl does, being happy and chummy and yet holding them out at arms length by convincing them what's wrong and right. Too much of pride till its wrong to cry and behave like a human when you're human. You go like it's reprehensible and unacceptable to be human and want something so badly, risking yourself, just to protect yourself. Pride and dignity has been misconstrued as going all out for others. Pushing ppl away, being hard on yourself and others. Contradicting your own words not in the sense that you don't follow you own words, but you do it because of pride and dignity. To say mean things about others, is equivalent to protect yourself from having too much faith in others. Pride and dignity is my undoing, I've been called spoiled brat, coward, hypocritical and all sorts because I want to protect myself, till the point I push ppl away. To every story, there's 2 sides of it. Too late, decisions were made alot these past few weeks involving several ppl. Regrets, yes for the first time, because pride and dignity are on a holiday today, and I am allowed to be human for awhile. Issues, yes alot, too many, accumulated over the years. Fear of being attached: Yes, has always been, that caused this overwhelming pride and dignity thingy, going all out for others but subconsciously shooting them down, to self fulfill your own prophecy that you will be hurt and be satisfied that you're right again. Pride and dignity that's me. Whatever is here is me, not about others. This is me, strip down to the real me. The fear of committing to another person, for fear of hurt. Pride and dignity.


Lizz



New phone and my legs...ok that sounds wrong, right?
Friday, April 08, 2005
10:05 AM
2 comments

Yeap, at long last, on impulse last night, while I was in MidValley with Irene and Tim, I bought a new mobile phone. It's a Sony Ericsson. I hate my company's phone, but at long last without even thinking about it, I bought one. Well, I had to buy one also sooner or later seeing that I won't be with the company long enough already, and I needed a new line also coz I will have to give back the company's line. All my free calls.. :( Free no more. Now I would really feel like an adult, you know why? Getting bills, aaarrrggghhh why do I sound so happy over that, geez I'm sick in the head.

Anyways we made good use of the phone alright, hehehe. Remember when we were kids and we would badger our parents for coins to get into those singing cars, the ones that makes you feel like you're in a boat instead of a car. Well, sorry ah Irene, but it was funny, Irene said something about getting into one of the cars, to which both me and Tim, made her sit in the small lil car. And the best was, I wanted to put in the money, but I didn't have a buck so I asked this couple who was so amused and yet freaked out by our antics, after getting the buck, we proceeded by pestering Irene to get into the car with Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street, ( do you think the kids who watches Sesame Street knows that Bert's gay? Oh well ). Needless to say the pics we took looked like Irene was mandhandling Ernie's crotch and Ernie looked like he was thoroughly enjoying it. LOL.

Later went to have margaritas in Chili's, uhhmm yummy, though Tim kept on saying the one I had looked like piss, damn you tok. A funny and rather ( I don't know ) cool thing happened when me and Irene were in the toilet, no ppl, we don't look at each others breasts and size them up, geez what is wrong with you ppl, tsk tsk. Anyways this is what happened, ( warning: reading on, would actually give the notion that I'm a bimbo, well actually I am, just that I have cleverly avoided all signs of intellegent conversations and repartee, smart eh? read on if you want to see how vain I can be ):

Me: Irene, do you think this mini is a bit too short for me? Coz I think it's really short than the one I normally wear. ( while looking into the mirror )
Irene: No, I think you look really good in them. ( from the loo )
Nice lady upon entering the toilet, realizes what I was talking and I was scrutinizing myself in front of the mirror.
Nice lady: No, I think you look really good in them because you have really gorgeous legs.
Me: Why, thank you ( very surprised and flattered of course )
Nice lady: If you have it, flaunt it. Nice legs anyways.

Ok end of bimbo snippet. Me and Irene was so surprised, and I was flattered obviously, I mean it's not everyday a gal can get a compliment from a complete stranger right? This is the part I perasan giler and go,

" I would like to thank all the ppl who has complimented me on my legs, my parents for giving me the support and of course genetics and also by looking good themselves, especially my dad, thank you for being so tall, coz if it wasn't for that I think I would've had ugly, stump like legs. I would also like to thank to all my friends for always telling me that I do have nice legs, and of coz Tim for teaching both me and Irene on how to walk the walk and twirl around while wiggling the bootie. Thank you everyone, and of coz God, coz if it weren't for you , I would've never gotten the award for BEST LEGS OF THE YEAR , thank you so much, I love you all, *sniffles while feigning tears and sincerity, and sashays out of the stage. "

OH MY GOD!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!HAHHAHAHAHAHAH, you all can't bloody think I'll be that ditzy, well actually I am. LOL. So that's the end of my perasan-ness.

Oh oh, before I forgot, something good did came out yesterday. I met Herbert Leung, one of the big bosses of my company, who apparently was the person, Yves from Schlumberger reports to last time before he moved to my company. Funny thing was, he talks with a funny french accent. Anyways, something good might happen afterall, I hope on my behalf, I'll just need to see about it in 2 weeks time. And this is where I go, Oh god, I know I'm not one of your favourites, I cursed, I drink, I smoke and well you know everything, but please, make this work, I'm sorry for all the times I said you were a 6 year old who bullies ppl for milk money, I will try to make it up to you by giving milk money...ooopppss I mean donations and zakat every year now. Oh hell I'm never gonna change over this am I?

A thought just flickered through my mind, Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, yeah I know, I was this past few days to alot of ppl, and I would like to apologize about that. Oh well. :)


Lizz



Breakdown
Thursday, April 07, 2005
2:12 PM
0 comments

I just saw my whole life past me by in the morning. It was like watching a really pathetic excuse of The Truman Show, where everything I saw revolves around me working and trying so hard and getting nowhere. All I saw was the amount of crap and fucked up-ness I had to go through to get here, the way I am today. Does anybody appreciates what I went through to make things work and happen for them? Does my parents appreciate the fact that I'm independent and very strong? Does my sore losers of a user thank me for all I've done, eventhough the unexpected happened? Does the guy I worked and tried so hard to give a chance and fight for appreciated me? Does god appreciate me, since he has so much of angst towards me? ( I'm agnostic not an atheist remember ) At long last after all the hard work I've put into my work and life, it has come to this conclusion, I give up. It's pointless really. So you win. I give up.

I'm no longer gonna fight for anything, I'm gonna kill off my own self which has been fighting all this while, I'm gonna stop being the person that fought so much in what she believes in. I'm gonna be lackadasaical towards things now, all the old wounds have opened up, and the new ones are still around. And my heart now is one bloody bleeding mess. I've had it trying to reach out to ppl who knows that what they're doing is wrong, I've had it trying to be there for that certain person when he's happily taking his time not respecting me, and further aggravate the situation, not caring about how I feel.

The endless are not gods neither are they humans, they're elements which like what the word describes endless, because as long as humans exist as long as that they exist. Dream, Death, Despair, Destiny, Delirium, Desire and Destruction. After last night I would like to add in a new one, Denial. Everybody lives in denial, whether you're chicken shit or strong enough to come out of it is your fucking problem. Regretting over spilled milk won't help, the situation can be salvaged, but again if a screw up happens, then fuck it then. Knowing one is in denial and yet not doing anything is equal to not knowing at all. And telling lies over and over again, and giving false hopes and broken promises won't help, you can stop this, if you want. Nobody's threatening anybody, its as simple as that, you know the truth but you deny it by making yourself fucking confused and in denial. At this point there's fucking no prove that you're trying anything except you fucking want the best of both worlds. Go ahead live with the guilt as long as you live, I was nice enough to at least try, but you manipulated and misused how I feel for you. Yeah, that's how I feel at this moment, used and battered, and I'll tell you this, I don't threaten ppl, I tell them the truth, what I will do, not because I'm asking to choose. And after all the crap and bloody "brilliant" things you've done, you want me to stick around and wait. Don't misuse my feelings for this, now who's threatening who? Oh yeaaahhh,,, you're the only one in torment, poor poor boy, she's alright, she won't get hurt, she is afterall just somebody to keep you company, your mrs pet pet. She doesn't deserve the truth right? This is all you've been thinking about. As for me, Fizah is strong she can handle this, I just need to be selfish and care for myself, I'll feed her lines like how much I regretted over everything and how much I missed her and how unhappy I am, and she'll come back. Yeap that's what I think you think. I dare you to prove I'm wrong.

Yes, I'm a bitch today, what?! I can't be a bitch when everybody else is one to me. Bloody prick!

Geez,, now I've forgotten what I actually wanted to blog about, so much for anger management, now I feel better already. :)

Irene, dear, forget about my ramblings earlier on, about him, do what's best for yourself, if you think you can cut him some slack, then do it. Mistakes are done, but it's totally up to you on how this can be done. I'll see you later, for dinner. :)


Lizz



DR Drill and the apocalypse I've unleashed also.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
2:42 PM
0 comments

Apocalypse : /uh-pok-uh-lips/ n.

1. An event involving great destruction
2. (The Apocalypse) the final destruction of the world, as described in the biblical book of Revelation.

DR Drill : D = Disaster , R = Recovery , Drill = a pain in the ass ( forgive me for the pun )

1. A drill which is held bi-anually to reaafirm the backup plan for recovery of a certain biatch bank is still working fine and dandy.
2. A another way to say that, death is upon me.

Lo and behold, after weeks and days of planning a foolproof and idiotproof plan, shit hits the ceiling when my team couldn't bring up the system in the DR site. OK, alrite, I'm going to be fine, or so I thought, 2 and a half hours later, after much squabbling and using up what's left of my voice, it's finally up, but the repercussions were insidious and damaging. By now, I was thinking, fuck next thing I know the network's going to bail on me. To which I was right. The link to the DR site was down, ( FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID TELCO , and only one telco in Malaysia can screw up this badly, yes peeps its them ). Fine, Fizah you can do this, you are one heck of an inexperienced DR Coordinator, but you've made it this far, you can't let down your pride and dignity. To which, teleconference after teleconference, it was then a decomm-ed link was brought up, which has its drawbacks as, now we can't find the userid and password.

Minutes later, it was up and running, and to my horror, stupid network company, which is quite big in UK, guess guess lah ppl, what company... I gotta say this, fucking C&W, was not sure of the router address in the DR Site. In any case I nearly blasted the poor fella because had he provided the necessary documents last time, this would not have happened. Nevermind, I am Fizah, I can fucking do this, I was thinking again. It was quite awhile later, everything was up and running, by then my drill was delayed 2-3 hours already.

To IS people, thanks, you guys have always been the easiest ppl to handle, and the most understanding, probably it's because you guys and me are in the same boat, we are the support ppl.

To users or rather losers, I don't give a fuck anymore, I have done everything, and it's going against my every belief and principles, that I should be accountable for your fucking attitude and ignorance towards your own bloody applications. To which now I will say, I never regretted I was rude and bitchy to you all, all of us are tired and I did provide you the remote access needed, even when we should have been going into contingency planning. Now I can gladly say, your condenscending behaviour is uncalled for, because to be frank I think it's not your prerogative for that, seeing that all the users IQ level added up together just gives up a measly, uhmm 20 points. AHAHAHHAHAHA

To Rena and the network dudes, Dinesh , Philip, and Vincent

You all have done a good job, a great one actually, I'm glad in my short time of work, I was able to work with you guys, and that really made it easier for me. Rena you're such a darling having the command centre setup and all, Dinesh you're the man for getting the users on your side to cooperate. Thanks ppl.

And now ppl, I still have more problems, users are again being jackasses about their reports which they claim they haven't gotten, but it's just that they forgotten it turns out to be.

After yesterday and today's events, yes I've unleashed apocalypse, the mean side of me to the users, to which now they're pretty quiet about it. Ahahahaha. Bitch about it ppl, and you wouldn't know what's going to hit in the next meeting. I'm going to take great pleasure in unveiling all the wrongs and blunders you've hidden all this while.

So anyways, after leaving the users being sore and resentful of me last night, I went out to have supper with Hatim, met Chern for the first time, yeah man, like what Hatim said, she's pretty cool. Found out, that she read my blog before, some would've thought that to be freaky, but I'm pretty cool about it I guess. Yeah it is kinda cool actually. Went to lepak at SS2 mamak, I never knew my butt could hurt so much by just sitting down on the stools. Smoke my lungs out, I think they're failing already, as I can't take deep breaths now without coughing, my voice haven't gotten any better, still as sexy as ever now. Oh yeaaahhh. Heheheh.

Just remembered the freakiest thing happened yesterday afternoon before the drill, I was walking to the building and thought my nose was runny, coz I could feel something salty and phlegm like at the back of my throat, to which by reflex my hand rubbed my nose, and to my dismay, there it is, blood, my nose was bleeding, its like in the olden days only that now, theoritically I shouldn't be having anymore nosebleeds episodes. And by then, upon realizing it, I had the most horrible headache I think I could ever have, geez, sat at the stairs for awhile while trying to stop the bleeding, it did after half an hour, pull myself up together and immerse myself in my work and totally forgot about it, till today that is, coz I woke up in the morning having a bloodied blanket and dried blood around my face. Bloody hell, I was thinking, to which I trudged back to work, and now am hoping that it won't bleed again. Freaky huh? Kinda cool actually,,,yes yes I'm a sadist.

A user just called saying the reports are ok, but she thinks the drill was a failure to which I answered, is that due to me or due to you? She said it didn't go well, and I said which recovery or damage control you know of is going smoothly, she's older takkan tak tau kut, whatlah, damage control is what it says it is, there is no guarantee you might get good results coz you're recovering something that went wrong, but at least you tried and damage has been lessened, and that's way better. That my friends applies to life too. Ahahah. I need to be surrounded by smart ppl now, so I'm inviting smart ppl to go out for dinner.

So peeps, lets go for dinner later before my ATM and Pinacles testing which is at midnight. Margaritas anyone?? :p On the other hand, I might just go back seeing that ppl are busy and all, might go back and sleep abit, and watch CSI...yeah yeah I can't believe I actually forgotten that. And later drive up to PJ for my drill, oh gawd another long night to pull, I hope I can drive back after that and fall into a peaceful sleep without users calling me...bitches!


Lizz



Users = LOSERS
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
9:57 AM
2 comments

BLOODY HELL, I'm not in the mood to have screw ups after everything has been done accordingly on my end. USERS are STUPID BITCHES, my stupid security IDs are not here yet, what the fuck is wrong with people! BODOHNYA!!!! AAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!

I can't even think comprehendly already now, coz I'm tired and sick, I cough all night long, I worked all week long, I had fun all week long also...ahahhaha...oh well, lets see whether later all my hard work pays off or not? Coz if I can blog later that means it paid off, and my drill didnt go through much hitch.


Lizz



Dreams
Monday, April 04, 2005
2:29 PM
5 comments

Dream, one of the endless, The sandman himself, the dream king himself, why oh why did you let me have that dream last night, to finally wake up feeling like the way I am today. They said Dream is even worse than Death, I can vouch for that I think, having dreams after having a total drought of dreams. Melancholia.

To Irene,

I love you so much girl, you've always been there for me, and I really appreciate that above everything. Thank you.

To ppl who knows,

I know you know ( cliche-nya ), but I don't mind, coz this is really a story not to be forgotten, you know who you are, help him pls. By being there, and being supportive and understanding, don't criticise, because we are afterall humans, and humans does mistakes, and that's what makes us the people we are.

To you that person who was in my dreams last night,

Let ppl in your heart and your life, have faith in them, have trust in them by loving them, because I know they do love you, coz I do, and if I can after everything, I'm pretty sure others do also. Have strength, have it from me, knowing that I'm being strong here for you, knowing that I still do very much love you even after everything, I am always there, have always been and will always be. Talk to her, the one that has caused you to have wounds, have closure, don't ask why she left or is it because you were not good enough, don't ask those, coz it can never be that, she fell for another, that's why, that's all to it, but have closure with her, talk and ask about things you wanted to know, tell her what you're going through, there's no point in this all really, once and for all call her up and talk. You need to do this for your own sake, talk to her, tell her everything. And about the other girl, you know what needs to be done, you know it's wrong, and it's no point really by going on lying, sooner or later it will catch up with you. You know the difference between feeling right with her and not feeling right. I know you do, have the courage to do so, don't linger around just because you're unsure and you want to try to make it work, as it is you're not already, you like her company, go on being friends, don't further destroy it by just feeling obligated to be around just coz of certain reasons. Ppl make mistakes and I'm sure she understands that. As for me, just remember this, I will always be there, always had and always will be, have faith in me on this, to forgive is easy but to forget? Ppl wants to forget I don't want to, coz I learn alot from it, forgetting is just an easy way out, and I've been know to love to do a bit of jungle trekking in this forest we called life. Know that with every step you take you can always see me by your side for it. There are certain things which is out of my control, ( some ppl would like to say you can't go against any act of god, which I admit for certain cases I can't stop from happening ), but whatever I can do, I will do it. I don't hate you, I don't spite you, I don't have a vendetta for you, all I have for you is how I feel for you, and that pretty much explains everything. You know my song, the phrase " when everything's meant to be broken ", is there for a reason, nothing is conclusive in this world except death. You try hard enough and face it, and you will be fine. I bet you my life on it.

To the ppl who's reading this, ( yes yes, you too hatim )

Don't fucking tease me about being emo, I'm fine really I am, its a bout of melancholy only. And you know what, I don't feel stupid about doing all this, I really don't. That's that.

So that's the entry for today, I've got work, I'm rushing off to CRC in PJ in awhile. Irene, babe, are we going for our Mondays YumChar sessions? Call me.


Lizz



Getting ready
Saturday, April 02, 2005
8:27 PM
0 comments

Still at Irene's...hmmmm funny these past few days I've been listening to emo songs. All time favourites..Toshiro Masuda and of course Iris. Yeap, Iris by goo goo dolls, been around for ages but that's me ppl. Maximum bodoh right, but it describes my past and present. Oh well, at least I know. Getting busy is the best, you don't think or reminiscence. Idle minds are really bad, now for example. CHEH!!!!


Lizz



Work on a Saturday??Geez

12:49 PM
5 comments

Yeap, I'm working at least answering emails and correspondences. Had to, with the current dim witted and smart asses I liase with from the bank side, you had to like explain everything word by word, even on their responsibilities which is actually not your jurisdiction at all. I'm tired and worn out, but everytime I'm out with my friends they just give me all the energy I needed. I'm happy they're around.

And....drum rolls pls,,,,,Irene's here with me at work reading my book Angels and Demons by Dan Brown. heheheh, She's enjoying, obviously she would, coz it is a superb book, a must read, I was so on the edge of my seat when I was reading it last year. So here as a contribution to Dan Brown, I love all your books, they're so refreshing and idealistic. Heheheh, whatlah aku ni...oooppsss....heheheh.

Anyways, both me and Irene had a great night last night at Midvalley, and yes just us both girls, shop around, had a good dinner in Dome, and shop around again MANGO, and last but not least Margaritas at Chili's to top it all of. Only 2 girls having fun, and it was so funny that, both of us can't finish our margaritas because we were already tipsy, heheheh, malunya. After trying to sober up, both of us went back for our girl's night in, where Irene bunk over moi place. And yes we watch a soppy love story, Serendipity, to which we said "BOLLOCKS". I never knew you could fit 2 girls on a single bed and still sleep well, coz yes ppl both of us are snorers, but dignified ones while we're on that. Not the loud ones. Probably too tired, well anyway, after work, we will I guess meet up with Sharon and shop again, and later at night, Steamboat, uhmmm...haven't had that for awhile. Poolside,,,uhmm haven't been in my bikini in awhile too, and I hope there's booze, but I've been boozing already what, bloody hell. Moi now should be in AAA ( Alcoholics Anonymous Association ). ;P


Lizz



Bloody hot
Friday, April 01, 2005
2:38 PM
2 comments

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!IT'S SO FUCKING HOT!!!!!!I just got back from PJ CRC, bloody hell, I went there to get the stupid fucking access cards to the DR site, and I couldn't get it. Instead of wasting my time there I could've been in Midvalley looking at clothes or books, and giving my overwork brain a break. BUT NOOOOOOO!!! I had to go through the insidious jam, run up the stairs, and rush around like some demented fella to get nothing. YOU HAVE BEEN REALLY CREATIVE!!!DON'T WASTE MY FUCKING TIME!! ( dedicated to not-known-to-be-seen-higher-entities )

Alritey, anger aside, hmmmm....I'm tired and sick and I need a rest. Thank god for babes like Irene where later we'll be hitting Midvalley to do some retail therapy and dinner, and later on, a gal's night in. Pajama Party. Hehehehehe,,,,sorry guys,,no hairy legs are allowed well except if you wax them off and don't mind watching SEPET. heheheheheh...and of coz you have to talk the talk and walk the walk, so guys off with ye balls!!ahahahahaha. Gonna leave straight after work for retail therapy, of coz Irene can we have Margaritas later, too? pls...pretty pretty pls.. ;)


Lizz



Sepet and the emo bug

10:19 AM
2 comments

And I quote " You like who you like, I mean who cares if that someone likes the other someone because of their race. It's when they hate them, that's the problem " unquote Orked from Sepet.

The significance of this quote, alot actually to me. Race and religion does nothing but provides guides as to what we live by, to be good, the whole yada yada schmuck, but what alot are not aware of, is the fact both of this elements actually segregates people. Yes people, now I know my purpose in life, to live my life the way I want it to be not bounded by preposterous rules and trappings of religion. I am who I am, nobody could change that, I believe in myself more than anything else. Life is too short to dawdle with, when you come face to face with happiness you grab it by its leash, because life is a bitch and you'll never know when you will meet up with happiness again. And while you still can, while you're still breathing, while you're still with a mind and soul, your fight for happiness will continue on till you meet it. Sad but true, as I've said life is too short ( and for some of us mere mortals it might be even shorter ), and when we're old or have come to a certain age, its always good to think back of your life as regret free, and you've lived according to your rules and wants. I know I have been thinking of that alot, mistakes were done, some forgivable, some not, but whatever decision a person make, it should be on your own accord and not others, and most of all something not to be regretted of. I had a few regrets, but I choosed to overcome them because they made me the person I am today.

Happiness can only be attain when you work really hard for it, I've learnt that through the hard way most of the times. Even after you worked so hard at it, and try to make it, there's actually no guarantee that you will at long last attained it. I know that, I worked so hard at alot of things in my life, and in the past year, I decided to do it again, and in the end I end up on the losing end, but at least I tried, I am only human I might have a breakdown someday or even now. For each time I try and try, it just brings me heartache and pain. Maybe I have reached my limit after all these years, maybe I want to give up on fighting for my wants and needs though it might defy everything rational in this society, but somehow a part of me refuses to delve into that and that's when realization hits, that you can only fight your own wars and battles. I have somebody fighting for myself now, myself.

Too many times tears were shed, too many times cuts were inflicted where it hurts the most, the heart. Too many times you begged to god to grant you your wishes, that at long last you just stopped believing in him altogether. You've made it this far by yourself, biting and sucking it up. And still as you type this, again tears are threatening to fall, and pain is inevitable, and yet you still forge on. That's me Fizah, probably that's why I love watching Naruto so much, a young boy shunned by ppl for his existence, trying to make others love and acknowledge him for the way he is and the thing is after all the pain he's been through he still forge on while making life altering changes to other ppl's lifes. I know it's funny that I can feel so strongly for an anime, but all ideas and stories are not based on fiction, they're inspired by people. And if the creator could be so inspired to actually produce this, then I am glad that they're more ppl like me out there. And they are strong and I am one of them.

BLOODY EMO BUG!!!!

Currently listening to: Toshiro Masuda - Sadness and sorrow from Naruto.


Lizz