Vomiting and sickness and work
Now I can really say I'm in hell, I think death is upon me again, I'm so sick, I'm vomiting bile and phlegm, and the best thing is I'm looking fine. Pretty gory right? I can't succumb to this, I won't be able to do work and my boss need me more than anything now to cover anything up, by the time he's back. Yes, that's how much I adore my boss, he's probably the best boss a person could ever have. Enough said about that. So I'm looking like as if I'm fine, but man, does my chest and other body parts hurts like bloody hell. I've been trying to blog for what seems ages, I was so tied down with work, that now I'm taking a break to just let out my creative juices on to the net. Ok now that doesn't sound right, right? ;) Not meant to be.
Anyways, was thinking about meeting up the gals later or something. AAAhhh I don't know, I'm pretty tired and all, had a late night last nite, and again I was multitasking, doing my work and talking on the phone till 3 in the morning like some loonie. Yeah DHL dude called, pretty comical lah the fella, but maximum ayat also. Oh well, gotten immune to that already. I still haven't put up the pic yet right? Wait lemme see whether I can or not now. Well actually I can't since I'm still raising a change in remedy. Oh fuck, now my lingo in work has spread into my blog, to those who's not from IT ignore whatever I've said.
So ppl pajama party tomorrow rite?? ahahahaha..haven't had that for so long, then we all can watch SEPET together. Liquor's on me peeps. eheheh....oink mebbe we can ask Hatim along and see how womanly he looks in pajamas, no? Trying to imagine all the guys I know in short girlie pajamas, eeewwwwwww....gross....I just had a flitted image of Leonard in a pink fluffy short girlie pajamas, and he looks....*pukes...aaarrrggghhhh my mind my mind!
Oh bloody hell, I think my mind is muddled fuddled, or tiddlywinked or whatever you call it lah. This is the part where I go, "Is this all you have for me god?,c'mon I'm sure you're more creative than this, you have been in the past" OK OK I admit I have a certain angst towards authority or not-known-to-be-seen-higher-entities. Like what Hatim said "Berdosa tu" ahahah...sure I know that, if I believed in it.
And Tia, my lovely dear Tia, I'm going to kill you! I know you don't like the guy but cut him some slack would ya? Right...I know what you're thinking, I'm being stupid again, I'm not kay. I'm just me, and ppl love me for that, right peeps? Ok dats like maximum perasan already. ;P
I'm tanner now, coz I was in Hell for a few minutes
LOL, yes peeps I've been to hell, and i quote " Oh god, I know I'm not one of your favourites after everything, but please help me out here " unquote John Constantine.
LOL, ok obviously I'm drugged, it was a pretty horrible feverish and asthmatic night, but heck I'm getting better now I think. Ok ok, I'm not, but mind over matter works right? Anyway I'm not at work, I'm at home, Tia is around, she came over with her SOMAPort so that I won't be bored, and I can blog, or so she says. To all lesbos out there, Tia is one cun babe, hehehehe, heck having her around is pretty great itself. Yes, girl that's how much I adore you that I'm blogging about you. And now she said she wants to blog something on my blog. I'll be right back, and yes I promise I'll post this entry regardless whatever you blogged tia. ;)
Geez, fizz, I never know you could be so into a guy, made me feel a bit jealous of him. Too bad for you, dude, you didn't know it when something good hits you. HAHAHAHA, now now fizz, you know you could always date me right? But I totally understand what you're going through and I will stand by your side though I wont be able to that much, seeing I'll be hitting Milan in a few days time and won't know when I'm coming back. To that guy, fizz was the best that could happen to you, she loves you whole heartedly and you didn't appreciate it and now you gotta pay the consequences yourself (fizz is my spelling correct, I'm such a dork in spelling), my advice to you, seeing that I myself is interested in fizz, is to FUCK OFF! but hey I can't do that, so my advice is seeing I want her to be happy, is to show that you really do appreciate and care for her and you will do anything to show her that. AAArrggghh she's egging me to leave her blog alone. Remember fizz you promised you won't delete whatever I blogged.
TIA!!! what the fuck, sighs,,,you're so funny. I promise I won't delete it today, but I will tomorrow. AAwww don't show me that look. hehehehh. Either way ppl ignore whatever moi lovely friend here has said in my blog. I'm still very much drugged by the cocktail of medicine I took, and Tia here is happily helping herself to my whisky. Shit if she's drinking so am I. I might be going back to work later, my boss is still on MC till next week, and I can't exactly delay all my work already, seeing my DR drill is next week. Fuck, I'll be working around the clock next week starting Tuesday. But that still wouldn't stop me from lepaking with you ppl. I am after all the one and only HYPERSNAIL!!! I gtg before miss tia here finish up my whisky coke by herself. Ciao peeps, and as I said, been to hell and came back and I can assure you that if you've been there a few times, things will get easier. Bloody hell I'm talking nonsense again.
Sick vs Tons Of work
First of all, something that moi beloved friend, said to me.
Oink: He didnt't love you enough to stand by your side, he didn't love you enough to give you support, he didn't love you enough to care to actually wait for you to come back and talk about it, he didn't love you enough to not look at others when you were not around, and he didn't love you enough to care for how you feel about him seeing others in your absence.
Lizz: He didn't rite? Yeah, he didn't. And I've proven it too.
Oink: Yes he's proven it himself. And he didn't appreciate you, if he did he would know what needs to be done.
Lizz: I guess.
My dear Oink, how true are your words. You can never make another person love you like the way you love them, it has to come naturally, the need to be by that person's side, to see that they make through the worse and not worry about you ever leaving, to be able to wake up next to the person without thinking I'm lying to myself coz I love another, to be able to feel assured of the person's support and strength to carry you through the hard times, but best of all, to bring out the best and worse in you, coz when you love a person so much he or she will bring out the best and the worse of you. And that my friends is something special and to be cherish, whether you were meant to be or not. I guess it's hard for me, but I'm getting there, I miss the times we spent, at times I chided myself for being too hard on myself and you. There is still a part of me which wants to make things right and make it work, and to win you back, but I can't do that, I won't do that knowing it will hurt another person. This might be the last time you'll ever hear me saying this, I love you, so much that it's the only thing that's stopping me from fighting for this battle, so much that I'm still taking note of your pain, and still trying to be there for you in a way maybe you can't understand, so much that I won't fight for you, so much that I realized the words you kept on muttering " I can't have you " are actually you telling yourself that, so much that I could still feel sorry and the pain that you're lying to yourself and is suffering due to it. And it's because of this I know you so well, and what you're going through, to which I will say, if you did remotely appreciated me in any sense last time, do what's best for yourself, stop lying to yourself, coz in the end only you yourself have the power to make yourself happy and not others, I am only there as a guide, and even then I'm only human and I have feelings where guiding you will not be permissible at times. And that's how much I love you.
Alritey that mushy stuff aside, I went for the I-Hate-Mondays-YamChar-Session last nite. It was fun, besides the fact that Hatim and Ma'eka seems to be so engrossed in the Jackie Chan flick that was showing in the tea shop we were in, it was so funny seeing Hatim being gay and girlie like. It didn't exactly help matters too when Ma'eka left he started walking and waving his hand like one of the contestants in a beauty pageant and wiggling his ass too. To which later on, Hatim followed suit and started shaking his bootie. Cheers to the dudes with the exceptional feminine like gestures. While we were there later on, we've gotten calls from our friends concerning the tremors which had hit the Klang Valley. It was pretty shocking, but lucky for us we didn't feel anything.
The I-So-Hate-You guy, Leonard joined us, where lo and behold again he said those exact words, this time I-So-Hate-You-Part3, due to the fact that I have uhhmm lets put it lightly, one of the best ATI Radeon graphic cards in the market now. Ahahahahah. Either way, I came back so late last night, around 330 am, and I was feeling quite unwell already by then, coz I went to another mamak with Leonard after withdrawing money from my further depleted bank account. *Sighs If only money grew on trees, then everybody will be so happy.
By morning today I woke up with the worst cold and sore throat, downing whisky coke didn't help much, just made me felt numb. Drag myself to work, where now I'm currently bogged down by a heavy workload. AARRRRGGGHHH I'm taking MC tomorrow, I can't talk, of all times it has to be today, geez god cut me some slack here would'ya? Miss me in hell is it? Shit that's the medication talking. Any takers on taking care of me tomorrow? No? Dang, just as I thought I was hot looking enough to get guys to molly coddled poor old sick me. Yeah sure I looked really 'hot', tousled hair, stoned look, funky nose, and funky throat. Oh well, a girl can ask right, whether she'll get company or not is another question altogether. Ok, I'm definitely drugged. I'm leaving before I caused anymore damages on myself.
This is what I call super multitasking
heheheh....I'm darn busy and yet my blogging juices are pouring. Here's another song that I like listening to.
Sarah Mclachlan's Stupid
Night lift up the shades
let in the brilliant light of morning
but steady there now
for I am weak and starving for mercy
sleep has left me alone
to carry the weight of unravelling where we went wrong
it's all I can do to hang on
to keep me from falling
into old familiar shoes
how stupid could I be
a simpleton could see
that you're no good for me
but you're the only one I see
love has made me a fool
it set me on fire and watched as I floundered
unable to speak
except to cry out and wait for your answer
but you come around in your time
speaking of fabulous places
create an oasis
dries up as soon as you're gone
you leave me here burning
in this desert without you
everything falls apart
can't stop to feel myself losing control
but deep in my senses I know
At times I do feel like that, but like I always say, make the best out of what you have, coz one day you might just lose that person completely, and by then no amount of begging and apologising will be sufficient enough, to heal the scars which regretfully was already inflicted.
On a lighter note I've met the rarest person you could meet in a club last Saturday. He goes clubbing and he reads. I know, I know, suffice to say my experience in meeting guys at clubs are very limited. And I normally brush them off as guys wanting an easy lay. Surprise, surprise, to you (you know who you are), I had fun with you, hope we can hit Borders one of these days when you're free to leave dreary Singapore. ;P
To those who's been wanting to see the picture of the mysterious guy, I'll try to put it up the blog, when I'm not like super multi tasking. I wonder, are we having our I-HATE-MONDAYS-YAMCHAR-SESSION today? hehehehe...
Change of addie
Actually I don't see a reason why I should change my addie just coz of some trivial thing. So I'm a rebound, that pretty much sums why I was treated in such a way. Oh well, shit happens. And to think that, I was actually going to renounce, heck maybe I will, but it was probably a good thing that my logical insticts taught me to evaluate the person correctly first before I take the big step, to see whether will he stand by my side to support me when I do actually make the big decision, to see whether will he accept me for the way I am. And to think that I almost followed him to church just to prove to him that there are options for this predicament. Not to say that I will start believing in god, but I strictly believe in letting others believe in what they want to, whether you believe it or not. So the cat's out of the bag. Oh heck, it's too late for that now. That's why people, before you do anything mean or remotely cruel to another person, think twice about it and put yourselves in their shoes too. I believe I will now watch Sepet just for fucks.
The past 2 weeks of disappearance
I'm not an avid blogger I admit, but I know at least I try. Alot has happened this past few weeks, ranging from betrayal and lies (let's not go there peeps) to a man shot dead in Shibuya and a car, or rather several cars collision that lead to the banning of yours truly from driving in Midget Land (Japan to those who doesn't know that).
But first and foremost ppl, I've been having this particular 2 songs running around in my head for god knows how long. Either way the lyrics means alot to me. So here they are.
Papa Roach - Scars
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
Your making me insane
All I can say is
I tried to help you once
A kiss will only vise
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That your drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last dance
I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause your drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
You fix yourself
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
Why this song? Well I was exactly in that kind of situation, and now I am doing like what Sharon said, peel the person off like velcro. hahahaha. To you the person, I'm sorry but I will never be there for you anymore like it was. Lies was enough to turn me off for good but all the best in all your future undertakings. So taa~.
The next song is rather poignant for me because it reminds me of what ifs which was in the start never meant to be anyways. What can I say at times I can be a hopeless romantic.
JARS OF CLAY - Worlds Apart
I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all adds up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die
To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tear
Of a world embracing every heartache
Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees
All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me
Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart
And I pray
Ok, peeps before any of you start thinking that the agnostic moi has started to believe in god, I am fully aware that this song is rather hmmm I find difficulty in even typing it down, uhmm religious affiliated in a way. Heck, it is by Jars Of Clay that alone explains alot already. To a certain extent to that person earlier on, I do blame myself for not being strong enough to leave what I don't believe in, and it's due to that we are worlds apart from each other. Well like I always said, what you make of the present will define how your future will be. And that alone made me realize that no, you don't care enough for me to cherish me and appreciate me for the way I am. And that alone I hope will give me enough strength to overcome this again.
Ok, so enough foolish sentimental crap, ME, FIZAH am back. I will wreak havoc on poor souls to the point of dementia. I will spread evil, heck according to certain religions, humans are sinful creatures, but according to me humans are made evil and the intellegent ones are the ones who normally know what they're doing is wrong. So peeps lets be glad that there are quite alot of intellegent ppl around then. *smirks. Fine, I admit everything I blogged is just gibberish...heheheh.
P/S: This blog is under construction for the whole face lift and all. So ppl bear with me for awhile.
Japs are a sucky bunch if you ask me
Besides the fact that they tend to look at you funny being a foreigner and all, they're bloody dumb monolinguists too, they talk about you in their own mother tongue and when you retort back in their own languange, they look bloody surprised and embarrassed too. Had a few amusing incidences here, I feel like a fucking brilliant bilingual amongst them. OOOOO do I need to say more about the stench the gals here have,,,well at least some of them. But, after all the bitchings I have against them, dang, Japan does have one of the most gorgeous peeps in the world. ahahah cuci mata man.
Peeps, I'm going to the land of midgets. So I'll see you ppl in 2 weeks time. *Muaxx
Black is good, it's has slimming effects on one's body, being fully swathed in it that is. Some say its kinda depressing wearing black. But heck, as long as I look superb in it, I'll wear it ( besides the fact that I am feeling a bit off these days ).
Well, a few more days before I leave. Kinda anticipating it this time, don't know why though. Might take my mind off work and what nots. Been trying to tie up a few loose ends before it anyways. Nothing interesting happened, apart the fact that I have kinda cute Hongkies running around in the office. They're young and kinda good to look at. Too bad I don't exactly find them cute or intellegent enough to hang out with. Oh well, I know I'm being insufferable now.
Constantine rocks...but that is besides the point. Keanu's abs rocks...It's the kind like now-you-see-it-now-you-don't. Heheheh, what I meant was that, its kinda boring staring at a six pack that's always there. It's lovely to see the ones that needed to be flexed then it'll be visible.
What was freaky during the movie though was the fact I sat beside this fat ass stranger who was, for the most part of the movie stuffing his face into a paperbag that contained food and making loud ogre like sounds whilst eating. It didn't help either when he overheard a lady talking at the back, he shushed her, which I think was ok, coz she was making alot of noise anyways till he turn around and said "Stupid Bitch". Imagine the horror on my face sitting beside an ogre. Scary shit. It was very traumatising for me too, when he constantly made heavy breathing sounds whenever Rachel Weisz comes up the screen. Aaarrggghh the horrors of it.
Btw ppl, I might be moving my blog to a different addie. So I'll inform you guys on it.
Something doesn't feel right... I don't know what. I rarely have this kinda feeling, a prickly sensation, sad, morbid schmuck. Something's up. And I don't know what. It's the same kinda feeling I get before something bad happens, to me or to the people I love. That leaves me speechless. Fuck.
The double M detour
Double M hmmmm? No, I'm not talking about bra cup sizes here. Though it will be shocking to find a person with a double M bosom. Double M as in Mango and MPH. Today will be a therapeutic clandestine event. Where moi will go around Mango looking for new clothes for the upcoming Japan trip and of course to collect all the hardback versions of The Sandman from MPH. With luck I maybe perhaps will be able to weasel out some cold hard cash from my finacial planner, me da. *Imagining the conversation between me and him taking place now.
Lizz: Pa I need more cash. Wanna get all my comics in hardback and in better illustrations too.
Da: But you're working already lah girl. Why lah you spend so much on clothes and reading material?
Lizz: For the well being of my brains.
Da: But clothes especially from Mango doesn't improve the intellectual capacity of anybody.
Lizz: It does for me, coz when I look good I feel good, hence I tend to be on my best intellectual behaviour then.
Da: I still think its a waste of money.
Lizz: But I'm asking money for books, reading material not clothes now. Maybe next weeklah. *sniggers
Da: But your books happens to be comics, comics which you have had in the past. I don't see why you need the same thing, and furthermore they're comics.
Lizz: Remember when I was younger, You said the only comics worth buying were Sandman and Hellblazer. Hey, if I remember correctly you use to go in hiding just to read them too.
Da: *speechless moment which in turn glares at me. Fine. *walks off.
To which I will actually comment I don't need the money and furthermore I just wanted to rattled his cage. So, that's how I foresee a conversation with my da.
Anyways back to The Double M Detour. Its a detour before heading out to catch Constantine for the second time, for me that is. Hey who would turn down watching and drooling at Keanu for the second time. Though I was rather insulted with the fact that Constantine in the comics is British, blonde haired and has a funny sense of sarcasm, I would have to say Keanu Reeves is a great version of an American Constantine. Let's hope for a good end to the day today peeps. I had my fair share of being wretched. And now to pack up and leave.
Maggots?? What about them?
I have to admit this, I haven't blog anything for a whole week. Circumstances demands that, what with work, emotions running high and a whole load of other crap. So instead of backtracking all the way last week, I'll just give the a summarise version on what's important. The results came out and I'm fine. Whooppee.... So in order to celebrate that I'm looking around at Mango to get new clothes ( again? ). Oh well.
Ok on to the most horrendous and utterly disgusting thing that happened yesterday. Some ppl are not lucky enough to be working side by side with perverts. I for one am one of those. This perv I'm talking about comes in the form of an ugly, fat and short white guy. I'm actually doubting he's white since a colleague of mine calls him white celup ( that's fake white I think ). Regardless, this same guy was the guy that commented " It's not a question on when you're gonna wear it or not, its whether you're gonna wear a bra underneath it or not? " upon seeing me bringing in a new tee that was given to me by Q a few months ago. Need I remind that this happen in the office with all the managers being in close vicinity. Now you get my drift. Let's move forward to yesterday where, I was talking to Saiful about going jogging with him, and all of a sudden the perv who apparently was eavesdropping butted in saying something incomprehensible about the need for me to jog due to some body part mine,( if I'm not mistaken, he meant my boobs again ). This is where I gotten really pissed and said " At least I'm not fat and short, because no amount of jogging will help you getting out from that kinda MISFORTUNE " and walked off. The word UGLY did cross my mind, but I think my conscience got the better of me.
A conversation took place later after I walked off, between me and a male colleague.
Lizz: *Mumbling in anger.
Colleague: What's with the loathing you have for him-lah?
Lizz: What's your bloody reason for you disgustment towards him?
Colleague: Well I don't know actually, he kinda reminded me of those forgettable yucky,lil wormy things that you find on rotten food. What are they called huh?
Lizz: I think you're referring to maggots.
Colleague: Yeah, he reminds me of maggots, he kinda looked like one too, with his body. *To which he further emphasis the word by gingerly walking around like a retard and twitching his shoulders.
Colleague: Very maggot-ty.
Lizz: Bloody idiot, that's fucking funny.
To which both of us laughed histerically.
The point is, when you know that you're not exactly a looker stop behaving like you're one and stop being a jackass. I mean, this guy, perv....no lets call him the maggot dude. The maggot dude totally has no ppl skills at all. He makes weird-out rude remarks, he appears lecherous and the best thing is he honestly think girls dig him, and he's a superb guy in terms of looks and personality. Well, I've gotta say this, the lala muis in the office too, find him grotesque. So ppl, go figure on how "great" this person is even when he's fending off the dups dups crowd.
I almost forgot, the maggot dude too likes to leer at my legs if I were to wear any kinda skirt, to which he will say things like :
Maggot dude: I've been observing the way you walk with pants and skirt. You tend to walk differently with a skirt on.
Maggot dude: So this is how your legs looks like.hmmmmm
Maggot dude: *leer leer
What the fuck!!! now I'm being a bitch about this. That's it I will not under any circumstances accept anymore comments nor phrases or even compliments from morally inept ppl like this. I guess I just blew my conscience. Oh well. *sniggers.
I've stumbled upon this on the net today...
Groove on rain
& lettuce sandwiches ...
was a lettuce sandwich
snails would groove on God
but as he is not
or has never been remarked on as being
a lettuce sandwich
groove on rain instead
The three-ton slug
grooves also on rain;
would groove on Dylan -
but there are such problems
getting earphones to fit.
Ok...this is the part where I go who's Dylan...anyways its rather kitschy right? hehhehe Well I suppose this poem is esoteric to say the least. Will blog more later, if I have the time.