To that person who has been in my life,
Friday, September 30, 2005
7:01 PM
0 comments

Dear,

Seeing that we aren't on talking terms anymore, this is the only way I can do what I wanted to do.

You were never insignificant in my life, never.
You were never condemned by me, coz I loved you too much.
You were always my pillar of strength, through the hard times and good times.
You were always there for me when I needed you the most.
You were my miracle. God has choosen to take you away and I can't stop that can I?
You were my lovable piggy.
You were my lover.
You were my world.
You were the one that showed me how to be human, and how it is possible to love a person so badly.
You were the one that introduced me to religion, though I'm still searching for it without you now.
You were the one that made me feel special.
You were the one that made me laugh so hard over a cat pooping in the car park.
You were the one capable of tickling me so badly, till I laughed in tears.
You were the one that understood my needs and try your best to come up to satisfy them.
You were the one that was there when I was in my most torrent of relationships with both him and God.
You were the one that called me Mau and Lizz, and no one shall ever called me that in your way.
You were the one that gave me the courage to decide life changing decisions.
You were the one that made me coffee and breakfast in bed.
You were the one that send me flowers, my favourite, Daisies, at work just for being myself.
You were the one that remembered the quirky t-shirts I loved, go dark cootie!
You were the one that felt hurt by our predicament.
You were the one that made me feel so sure on pursuing and fighting for what I believed in. You and God.
You were the one that gave me hope that acceptance can happen. And it will.
You were the one that made me into a changed person, human in most ways.
You were the one that made me believe in fidelity.
You were the one that made me realized that I have lost a lot by losing you, too late for regrets for me.
You were the one that made me feel needed the most.
You are still that person that I hoped could forgive me, and I still love after thinking I was over you.

Months has past by, at first it was easy, I thought I could just walked out of this like all the other times when I gotten hurt. But for once, I fell, I really fell in love with somebody. A person that showed me how it was like being in love and feeling hurt, and a person who gave me hope that I could do what I believed in.

I am still that person who cared for you in health and sickness.
I am still that person who helped to nursed your broken heart.
I am still that person who called you piggy and cuddle up to you.
I am still that person who will pick you up at the airport, coz I enjoy driving out there to meet up with you after a period of time.
I am still that person who enjoys your jokes.
I am still that person who wants to learn to trust you.
I am still that person who stood by you when you made mistakes in the past.
I am still that person who knows how to stop you from snoring.
I am still that person who enjoys listening you sing all the oldies, including your renditions of all the old songs and malay songs.
I am still that person who teases you for being so self conscious about your weight.
I am still that person who came back to you, even when all hope is gone.
I am still that person who adores you for the person you are.
I am still that person who fights in what I believe in.
The only difference now is this,
I've started to believe in god, and it's due to you, and I believe that He will help me and you out. I have faith in Him and you.

The question is now:

Will you have faith in me in doing the right thing?
Will you believe in me enough to know that I can?
Will you have trust in me enough to know I will do what's right?
Will you at least think about this?
Will you at least try?

Yes,life is short, and live your life, come what may and yes tomorrow will always come, and when that comes I will be ready and prepared. Because this is something I really want for myself.

From,
Lizz


Lizz



Of Casshern and Lollies or rather a really huge lolly.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
11:32 AM
3 comments

This is probably going to be a long post, to make it up to the ever horrific pull off of-a-Malay-Post-Stunt last week. But first of all, these are a few things I've found out over the weekend.

1. Midori's actually alcoholic....see I am that dim.
2. When you have a crowd of all guys at Finnegan's hanging out, chances are there's something wrong with them. ( I would like to apologize to KanakKanakIstimewa for saying this, sorry lah dude, ahahah )
3. Little metal fairies with dots as boobs on earrings are pretty cool, but a bloody bitch to wear.
4. Putting on make up while driving up to Jalan Sultan Ismail, is well, asking for trouble.
5. Low cut green top with lacy camisole trimming, might get you this cheesy pick up line:

" You look like Lara Croft, without the guns "



6. Men over 35 years old are actually quite fast and agile on their feet as they grab you and make you pinch another man's bum. Surprise, surprise ( *scrunching up the face at the thought )
7. Debators are a crazy bunch, not nerdy at all, cute even.
8. Not to go clubbing the night before church the next morning, coz there is no such thing as leaving a club early.
9. Walking in on a debate tournament, especially if it's about International Humanitarian Law might not be such a good idea.
10. Debaters smoke alot.
11. That when you cross breed a Filipino with a Chinese, you get Cilipenis. ( chern, chern )
12. There are such things as cute tall christian boys. heheheheeheh thank you Chern....*smiles appreciatingly.
13. The existence of a person of Jewish and Muslim parentage, wow,,,with both parents still retaining their religion in Malaysia. It can be done and already has been done.
14. When you put 2 equally insane people with an inane sense of humor, you get porno resemblance pictures involving a big colorful lolly.
15. My bank sucks.
16. That there is such a thing as Flipper the firing dolphin let loose by Katrina. *fazes out in blurness
17. That the guy who mistaken a grape flavoured condom as a huge polo mint is so adorable.
18. Totting around a huge colourful lolly and asking random ppl to pose a shot with the lolly is a great way to pick up people, just remember to have a camera around then. *grimaces
19. A lolly was created to further enhance the skill of licking and teasing, where else a Jawbreaker is to be used as practice to accomodate bigger uhhmmm I'll leave that to your imagination...

Lulu the Petulant Huge Ass Lolly

Anyways, as eye candy, take a look at the array of pics here with of course the star of it, Lulu the Huge Ass Lolly.








Lolly...uhhhmmm.....who looks better at licking lollies, me or Chern? I will leave it to your imagination. Hahahahahah













Debaters are a crazy bunch...not to mention disgusting too.











Pornographic like pictures are possible when you have whackos playing around with Lulu.















Lulu can be multi-used, ranges from I-want-to-change-this-toad-into-a-prince Fairy Wand to Please-don't-hit-me-human-shield.

Mass Attack of Lulu The Petulant Huge Ass Lolly at Kerang














Ohmigawd...it's trying to lodge itself into Izzat's mouth, failing that it tries to plaster itself to KanakKanakIstimewa's eye. Ouch















Seems like Shahreen's Piggy and Anis' hair has taken an instant liking for Lulu, bloody kinky and omni, dudes.

And to that I conclude the end of The Adventures Of Lulu The Petulant Huge Ass Lolly, stay tuned for The Return Of Lulu The Petulant Huge Ass Lolly.

Ok now.. I missed Casshern when it was shown on Astro, saw the original VCD in 1U, and as they always say the rest is history, on to my review on Casshern.

CASSHERN


A production which costed approximately 5 Billion Yen. Well, a rather big budget flick considering that Casshern is based on a not so popular Japanese anime " Shinzou Ningen Casshern ' which was broadcasted in the 1970's, come to think of it I seem to remember watching it with much disinterest. A battle of the normal age old war, good versus evil, so how good can Casshern be? Good enough to have invested 5 Billion Yen into it? As one person commented " A turgid epic eventually concludes an apocalyptic showdown that turns the world to smithereens ".

All flippancy aside, there's some truth to the above stated comment, but unlike the anime where director Kazuaki Kiriya ( Utada Hikaru's hubby ) made a spin off from, Casshern is different. For starters, it is director Kazuaki Kiriya's debut feature, which remarkably kind of equates to that of Michelangelo painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel the first time he ever picked up a paintbrush. While Casshern is based on the 1970's anime, it was also integrated with elements of Shakespeare's Hamlet, by addressing the idealistic question proposed in Shakespeare's work, " Why do people fight with each other "

First time director Kazuaki Kiriya seem to be brimming with ideas and was trying to cram in as many as he can, the outcome? With a budget less than the normal run of the mill CGI integrated flicks, Kiriya and his collaborators have transcended limitations to produce a visually sumptious fantasy that more than holds its own against comparable European and American productions. Superb!



The depiction of the world in Casshern leaves much to desire, but one can’t help but wonder about the setting of the world in Casshern. An alternate world with an alternate history perhaps? But in my eyes what I saw was an agglomeration on both future and past molded into one, with both fifties looking sedans and futuristic technology are apparent in the movie.

The question of what’s right and what’s wrong is addressed in the movie too. How can we tell when we are doing the right thing? Or when we are doing the wrong thing? Remarkable that a movie with so much sci-fi elements in it could actually address all of this. War, pollution, hatred amongst one another, tolerance to one another, differences in race or religion. Despite all the eye candy it poses with its CGI effects and fight scenes, what astonishes me the most was the fact that all the events in the movie was done to convey the idea of what tolerance could give, what hate would do, in short the fundamentals of living peacefully with one another provided that mankind was not sidestepped by greed and hate. To convey what I think of Casshern is hard as it questions the things that I myself have been questioning all these years, funny that a person could feel so strongly for a show. But as I’ve said before, for everything that was created by man, it is a byproduct of people, surroundings, current situations or the world. All of these can inspire a person. The ending in itself is a masterpiece, where clips of war torn countries and pain are shown, clips of current events was used. Kiriya made his point through this creation of his, was able to convey it through Casshern. In short a show worth watching, worth pondering over.

Oh yeah..

Fact No. 20

20. That it gives a certain kind of sad and melancholy feeling when you can't share all of this with that one person.


Lizz



Hari Ini Dalam Sejarah
Friday, September 23, 2005
5:32 PM
3 comments

I've said to both Su-Yin and Tim last night that I shall do the "Hari Ini Dalam Sejarah" post. So here goes nothing.

Hari Ini Dalam Sejarah

Sultan Abu Hatim Azizan telah melantikkan dirinya sendiri sebagai Adonis setelah baginda mendapati 2 biji separuh masak yang di makannya, sebenarnya tidak masak langsung. Oleh kerana itu Baginda Permaisuri Su-Yin telah bertitah,

" Bahawasanya kekanda telah makan telur itu, maka dinda melantik kanda sebagai Adonis Tanah Melayu ini, sebagai ganti rugi ke atas kecelakaan telur-telur itu "

Almaklum bahawasanya, Sultan Abu Hatim Azizan kini di kenali sebagai Adonis Abu Hatim Azizan yang Teramat Kacak (A.A.H.A.T.K) , namun panggilan ini amat dihina oleh Dayang Fizah Siput yang Hiper, dimana beliau telah bertitah,

" Tidak!, hamba tidak berasa bahawa perngurniaan nama Adonis itu kepadanya patut. Hamba ingin menyumpah agar baginda akan dikurniakan bencana wabak yang amat menggerunkan "

Bagaikan halilintar, Adonis Abu Hatim Azizan yang Teramat Kacak dan Amat Comel (A.A.H.A.T.K.A.C), menjadi amat murka dan menghantar Dayang Fizah Siput yang Ketakutan untuk menerima hukuman pancung. Namun Permaisuri Su-Yin yang Teramat Belas Kasihan dan Rupawan telah meminta ampun atas kelakuan Dayang Fizah Siput yang Bersyukur untuk Hidup Sehari Lagi. Walhal, Adonis Abu Hatim Azizan yang Teramat Kacak dan Kesakitan (A.A.H.A.T.K.K) jatuh sakit. Permaisuri Su-Yin yang Teramat Risau dan Tajam Lidah bertitah

" Ini adalah balasan kekanda kelmarin, kerana mengenakan kain-kain bertompok-tompok sebagai baju kanda, kain-kain bertompok-tompok merupakan suatu malapetaka "

Alkmaklum, Adonis Abu Hatim Azizan yang Teramat Kacak dan Kesakitan (A.A.H.A.T.K.K) menjadi teramat sakit, kini Permaisuri Su-Yin yang Teramat Fed-Up dan Dayang Fizah Siput yang Sudah Kematian Idea meratapi pemergian Allahyarham Adonis Abu Hatim Azizan ke .......
............
...........
...........
...........
ke.........
.......

tandas, kerana baginda telah dijangkiti Salmonella dan Diarrhea.




Bloody hell I cant do this anymore....my malay is crap. It took me one freaking hour to finish up. Tiu!



Lizz



The pics at long last
Friday, September 16, 2005
2:52 PM
4 comments

Before that, I would like to say,,,,I'm glad no other harm came to Chern on Monday. And I hope those robbers will suffer a long and painful death, preferably with me watching them dying.

Anyways, here are the pics for the team building I went for. Team Building



And by beloved Fr0stie's demands, the pics of the legion of Poppets at Sri Nirwana's. It was at nite, so it's kinda dark. Poppets Pics.



We counted approximately there were 5 Poppets around. *smiles happily


Lizz



The price of happiness
Thursday, September 15, 2005
6:34 PM
2 comments

What is the price of happiness? At someone's expense? At the sacrifice of another's person feelings or emotions? I don't know about others, but I do know for myself, that I'll try not to gain happiness at anybody's expense, if I can.

But let me rant here, alot has been happening, some without me knowing it, take for example the fact that my mum walked out on us a few days ago, and I didn't know about it till today. What can I do? What should have I done? How am I supposed to react to this? Alot would have broke down and cry, given the chance I would like to do that too, but in the environment where I work, people are unforgiving and pretentious here. Whatever signs of emotions or character is taken up greedily, not because they want to learn or comprehend the person, but to rumour monger it. To gossip about the person's misgivings or anything else. It's vicious here, things that you deemed as nothing and just very superficial can be distorted to extremes here. They thrive on this, and this is their price to gain happiness. A person cannot wallow nor be human in any sense. A person should be happy and be the follower of the clique, if you are any different and stays away from them, the repercussions will be tremendous, and gossips such as " ah I got tired of her " will go around, when in actual fact the other person has already put up a barrier towards that person.

It's ruthless here, and I'm just too tired to have the beat it attitude already, too tired to fight, too lethargic already. I just want some peace of mind without having ppl breathing down my neck and rejoice at whatever shithole I'm in. I want to move on without having that person getting angry with me moving on, just because he's incapable of doing so at my expense.

Be happy with the fact that you're surrounded by a really loving family, and you don't have to fight for anything, that alone can make anybody strong. Having the person who cares for you by your side. That will help. As for me, I just want to have a good few months without any complications. One after another. Maybe I should have retained my detached demeanour.


Lizz



Stars
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
5:44 PM
0 comments

Stars, great! Listen to Stars

My favourite is obviously the one that Tim has in his phone.

Calendar Girl

If I am lost for a day; try and find me
But if I don't come back, then I won't look behind me
All of the things that I thought were so easy
just got harder and harder each day
December is the darkest and June is the light but this empty bedroom won't make anything right
While out on the landing a friend I forgot to send home
Who waits up for me all through the night
Calendar girl whos in love with the world Stay alive
Calendar Girl whos in love with the world Stay alive
I dreamed I was dying; as I so often do
And when I awoke I was sure it was true
I ran to the window; threw my head to the sky
And said whoever is up there,please don't let me die
But I can't live forever,I can't always breath
One day I'll be sand on a beach by a sea
The pages keep turning, I'll mark off each day with a cross
And I'll laugh about all that we've lost
Calendar Girl who is lost to the world
Stay Alive
Calendar Girl who is lost to the world Stay Alive
January,February,March,April,May I'm alive
June,July,August,September,October I'm alive
November,December,yah all through the winter, I'm alive
I'm alive



Makes me feel good and easier to make decisions too.


Lizz



Ponderings over the weekend
Monday, September 12, 2005
5:02 PM
2 comments

Last weekend was great, I haven't uploaded all the pics yet, will do so this week. But it was great for me in the sense that I realized on a few facts over it. Such as the fact that I now know why I won't want to leave my current company anywhere in the near future, I have great bosses and colleagues. What made me realizes that was the fact that I was choosen to be the team leader, and my team consisted of a few managers, technical support and helpdesk people. I'm happy to say that, my team are the best and they don't mind taking orders or discussing problems with a pipsquick such as me, and that matters alot coz in the end we did became the best team, and our team work was like what we all say, EXCELLENT! hahahahahah.

I've always been afraid of heights, and to think that I actually was able to face my fear with their help that means alot to me.

But out of this weekend too, I realized that things or situations I've a preconcieved judgement over, will exceed my expectations. What I meant by this, was that earlier on last week I was rather apprehensive about spending time with my company, in fact I was bitching about it. So in short I wasn't looking forward to it, and lo and behold it became one of the best things I ever done in my whole life. So in short, I soon realized that passing judgement over something that is unknown and not tried is not actually a good thing but neither it is a bad thing. So maybe I should give what I've always had a preconcieved judgement on a try. Maybe.

The other thing I've realized is that, I've always been a fighter, I fight for what I really believe in or want. So what's stopping me? I don't know now. And I can't runaway from whatever problems I have. Or can I?

Over the weekend too, I have given alot of thought over certain aspects of my life, like why is that I've given up on alot of people? Why I can't give them chances? Why can't I forgive myself? And do I really want to go on like this? Do I really want to not make a good impact on the people that chances across my path? Do I really want to give up on that 1 person? I don't know.

I was reading this article last night, it's called Back from the brink of break-up, whereby a couple can be almost into splitsville, due to differences, constant fights, and yet they can turn that around by working out and in fact it might even be stronger. I don't know whether that's what I want, coz in actual fact I was not the trophy girlfriend he wanted, wasn't exotic enough, wasn't on par enough to be showed up around his friends, basically wasn't what he really wanted. I am too rough around the edges to be the trophy girlfriend, and the truth is I don't want to be a trophy girlfriend, to be shown around, just coz I am good enough. I want to be the girlfriend where he's passionate about and gets irritates at for my lil pet peeves. I want to be shown around coz he's into me for how I am and not because of my worth. Oh well probably it's because of my staunch stand on this beliefs that it didn't work out. Probably. Some couples breaks up and gets back together after a few months to suss things out within themselves. Sometimes it doesn't work that way I think, coz I know how I feel about everything, about him but that alone is not enough to make me have the 101% to push for him, coz the reality is I don't know where I stood, from then till now. Perhaps it'll only go so far as I am the person he's thankful for because I was there, not because I was the person he felt for. Probably.


Lizz



To whom it may concern,
Friday, September 09, 2005
3:54 PM
0 comments

You,

Today I woke up to find that I needed to say all of this. Maybe not to your face, but at least to something or some medium.

1. I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore.
2. I'm tired.
3. I'm fed up, with all the lies and cover ups.
4. I wish you would just grow up.
5. I can't be with anybody as of yet now, coz I need time to heal, maybe in the future I can, and might be able to be with you.
6. I'm in no state to be attached to anybody else now.
7. Let me be. I'm making do, I'm alright, and yes I have given up already. So just let me be.
8. I wish you would just get out of the rut you're in, and stop depending on others for what you think is happiness and just take it by the hand and proclaim it as yours.
9. I'm no longer the girl you thought you knew.

I'm despondent and depressed, so somebody pls shoot me for that.


Lizz



PICS!!!!!!

2:08 PM
0 comments

After I dilly dally for so long at long last I've actually uploaded the pics. So here they are.

The So Called Independence Day Week.



Here's the link to see the other pics. Pics.


Lizz



Blog Thingies
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
4:17 PM
0 comments

Did this in my precious free time at work, some are scarily accurate.

What Your Underwear Says About You

You tend to throw out your underwear after a few months. It gets used and abused!

You're comfortable in your own skin - and don't care to impress anyone.
The Underwear Oracle


You are Agnostic

You're not sure if God exists, and you don't care.
For you, there's no true way to figure out the divine.
You rather focus on what you can control - your own life.
And you tend to resent when others "sell" religion to you.
What's Your Religious Philosophy?


How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.

You say whatever is on your mind. Other people's reactions don't phase you.

You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.

You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.
How Do You Live Your Life?



Your #1 Love Type: ENFJ

The Giver

In love, you give your all and feel guilty when relationships fail.
For you, sex is not seperate from love and caring.

Overall, you are humorous, giving, and motivational.
However, you tend to be over-protective and critical of your partner.

Best matches: INFP or ISFP


What's Your Love Type?


Your Dominant Thinking Style:

Experimenting

You're all about looking at the facts, and you could always use more of them.
You see life as your lab - and you're always trying out new things, people, and ideas.

The master of mix and match, you're always coming up with unique combinations.
You are good at getting a group to reach consensus.

Your Secondary Thinking Style:

Exploring

You thrive on the unknown and unpredictable. Novelty is your middle name.
You are a challenger. You tend to challenge common assumptions and beliefs.

An expert inventor and problem solver, you approach everything from new angles.
You show people how to question their models of the world.


What's Your Thinking Style?


Well what do you all think?


Lizz



Past few days/An untitled fiction
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
3:54 PM
2 comments

I'm just going to give a recap, coz I haven't gotten the pics uploaded yet.

Friday

Had a horrible headache, thought it'll go off, but it didn't even after taking painkillers. Went to the doctor's just to have myself almost killed after taking the prescribed medicine. In short if it wasn't for the nice boyfriend of my 8th floor friend, I would've convulsed and asphyxiated to death on my own bile. Gotten hospitalised where the preliminary examinations showed allergy reactions towards the pill I popped. Either way to be on the safe side, further tests were taken today, so I'll know for sure whether was it a bad allergy reaction or something else. When I think about it, it's kinda cool to die of an allergy reaction, there's a certain novelty to it. A person once commented that I was fatalistic, probably, but truth is if I do die, and when I do, I want a really cool wake, whereby everybody is happy for the memories I left behind and for those who had issues with me too can be happy on my parting. Oh well, let's make a comedy out of this event kay?



That's me, hahahahahah, out from this also I've learnt who are genuinely concerned for my wellbeing and who was just caring out of guilt. Oh well, a silver lining indeed.

Saturday

Due to the fact that me and Irene was itchy to go clubbing and of coz the whole near death experience, we went clubbing with friends, namely the ever perasan Tim, Ma'eka, Josie, Naomi, Ninien, and Dida alongside with 2 others I didn't recognised. Needless to say Barfly is a nice place to chill but not to dance, so me and the girls went to join for an hour of dancing at Poppy with some Shell people. I will put up the pics after I load it up to my pc.

Sunday

Went downtown KL to run some errands.

Monday

Workshop or in other words a pre war debate on the scopes of my work.


Now for my untitled fiction

The untitled fiction

In a time where globalisation is at rife, the society in certain parts of the world still holds on the age old adage of races. Out of this quiet, cold war out came a girl of mixed parentage with the exception that she doesn't seem to bow down to any gods, be it the old gods or the new more organized ones. Maybe it's due to that, the fact that she refuses to perform any kinds of sacrilege to the gods, that she always gets caughts up in trouble. A person once commented that she was bad news and a annoyance, maybe she was, maybe she wasn't. Either way, to survive in a society where it was condoned to certain religious facades, the girl too has to put up a facade, in order to live and change the world, such a mighty feat for a girl some would say.

Out of trying to conform to society's demands, by doing the right thing seen in the eyes of her so called brethren, she stumbled upon hope and faith, in the form of a man. A man she in turn turns to love over time, but could the same be said about the man? The man who was at one time she was so sure would love her regardless of what she was and have trust in her. But somehow the old phrase of " If you can't beat them, join them " caught up to him. In no time spared, overnight the man changed, the vicious emotional abuse kept going on, where sometimes the man would care for her wholeheartedly and sometimes would treat her lesser than other mortals.

It was a rollercoaster ride for the girl, having to defy society and still care for the man, but one day unexpectedly the man decided to call it quits. Leaving the girl wondering why he couldn't accept her for the way she was? Why couldn't he trust her?

Time has passed, the girl is doing alright, she's moving on in her own way. One day she will find a person who can accept her for the way she is, but for the time being she still has faith and hope, because faith and hope are the only remnants she has of the man.

" Sometimes things that are old and familliar are better "

Yeah sometimes.


Lizz



Untitled
Friday, September 02, 2005
4:54 PM
3 comments

I've ran out of ideas as the title, as today is the day whereby I've been thinking alot, about everything in general. That I am actually having a headache now. It's just one of those days where your brain just refuses to do what it's told, which brings me to the whole heart over logic thingy.

The point is, when your logic retaliates against what is the most logical of choices and is actually siding your heart, what do you do? Do you follow both your heart and logic or do you sleep on it and pray that it'll go away once morning comes. In my case, I'll usually sleep on it and just hope and pray that it doesn't happen again, but what about the many times it happened before? Is your logical thread trying to tell you something? Or have you let your logic be ruled by your heart?

Which brought me to where I am now, in the present. In the past few months, I have used people for my own benefit, I have hurt a few in the process of healing, I have shun a few, just to get where I am, just to heal. Was it worth it? I don't know, before I was a person who was rather detached with alot of things, and now I'm getting all sorts of emotions shooting up, ranges from guilt,to bliss from anger to peacefullness. Emotions which I'm not used to, the only emotion I was used to is melancholy and confusion. Have I at long last became human in every aspect?

A very close friend once told me I am very vindictive, I guess I am, but now I just couldn't be bothered to be that anymore, its very draining. The days whereby I would toy around with ppl's feelings aren't there anymore, and when I think about it, was it fun actually to build up barriers and toy around? Was I really happy then? No, and that realization hit me hard ( obviously causing me this really horrible headache ). So if it wasn't fun for me then, why was I doing it then? What was it I was afraid of?

I use to be the person who can view certain things such as sex as sex, but why was it I couldn't do that anymore? Why now? Why all of a sudden I feel bad for using a person in that way? Have I changed? Have I become weak? Have I started to believe in the sanctimony of certain issues such as fidelity and trust? Or has it been in me all this while and I refused to acknowledge it, for fear of pain?

After all this years, I've actually fallen hard, hard enough to totally change or bring out principles that might have always been there. Fallen deep enough to actually make me want to have hope and faith again. Oh well, this are all just ramblings...something that I might delete later on, but maybe I won't. Self realization is good I gathered.


Lizz



Excerpts of conversations or messages
Thursday, September 01, 2005
3:24 PM
4 comments

Chern

U are all peanuts!

Apparently she massed msg peeps, oh well nothing beats your, " I am so hot I could fuck a cow " msg. Btw what do you mean by that msg earlier? But then again, what would you be if you weren't random?

Constipated Tim

HyperFlizz says:
pls leave the house now
HyperFlizz says:
ill call snow n feicipet
romper chomper says:
i'm going to MANDI FIRST LA
romper chomper says:
no way i go there in my kain pelekat dangling all over the place and funky hair rite
HyperFlizz says:
fine fine...dats y i asked u to go and get ready now
romper chomper says:
k going
romper chomper says:
now stop talking to me even though i am an adonis
romper chomper says:
i know i distract you but just let me go mandi first
romper chomper says:
and stop imagining me in the shower wei


Well what can I say, that's Hatim for most peeps, all hail the King of Perasan-ness. Sorry ah dude for putting this up, but it was damn hilarious for me.

Johnny Depp from Charlie and The Chocolate Factory

" Don't touch the squirrel's nuts, or he'll go crazy "

Ok, is it me? Or does that statement sound wrong and funny. Yes, I just saw the movie yesterday.

Random general statements from colleagues, friends, ex lovers, parents, even strangers

1. Love hurts

Lizz: Everything else and good things does at first, are you trying to tell me that the first time anybody had sex was pleasurable? It was later on only rite? *smirks.

2. Love is for the weak minded

Lizz: Oh well, funny you said that seeing that alot of ppl seem to get so much of strength out of it, especially the ppl in trouble, or in dire need of assistance in life or health. But maybe for some.

3. Love is punishment

Lizz: Oh yeah it is when you deprived yourself from it, it is then a punishment.

Yes, exactly to:

1. We are all peanuts, yes Chern we are, all hail Chern the most bodacious babe of all time.
2. Some ppl would break their moral ethics due to rage, and its a better reason that its due to rage, than to the fact of some perversity that person might have for the morally inept act, such as running over cats, deliberately. Yes, Jon, maybe it is acceptable.
3. Yes, there was a night out, whereby I wasn't the chick with the biggest tits, but a guy actually gotten the title instead, but wahey, you can have it man, you win hands down.


Lizz