She was coming down on the escalator, surrounded by atrocious little kids and parents. It was a good day, she says to herself. Despite the influx of mankind into the mall, she had a good feeling that day. The blinking and luminescent lights of the surrounding shops which once bothered her, didn't seem to have that effect on her that day. Everywhere people of all creed and kind walked, while she continually observed their behaviour. Amusing, she once told a person, the person whose life and soul ebbed out of his body the very day she told him on why she observes humans as dilligent scholars in the past observes the constellations in the sky for some use. Maybe she says, as much as the stars were able to guide men, as much as that humans might be able to provide guidance. Naivete, he uttered while laughing, that must be the reason why I am drawn to you. She smiled and walked on leaving him behind, and never turning back, fearing that what he said was true and that her being the being she is might never learn to love what she does best.

Doesn't matter she thought as she erases her mind and memories of that one sole person who managed to make her felt pertubed in that one split second they've met. It was on a day similar as this day she met him. The feeling of bliss she felt a moment ago replaced by a feeling of deja vu and fear. Not again, she thought.

And there he was, not exactly him, but him nevertheless in the past. As she passes by him on the escalator, he was looking on with a bewildered look, as if he had some flicker of memory stored in his mind that jolt him into recognition. He stared at her while she kept herself nochalant over his peculiar behaviour. Ignorance is bliss, she said to herself. Feigning it too is good enough. He came over once she got off the escalator, words came out from his mouth, incomprehensible gibberish she thought to herself. I know you he said, but I don't know from where. That much she comprehended, for she has totally place herself in a lockdown of emotions. Void of emotions, she uttered, for your own good, fuck off. The look of shock and amusement danced around in his eyes, the same look that had gotten her attracted at first ages go. With that she walks off with him staring at her back, while she was deluged by a whole reel images of what might have been in her mind if she had actually stayed on. Death? Pain? Longing? Hurt? Love? Sorrow? It doesn't matter anymore, as long as I can protect you from all of this, she says to herself.

Conflicted feelings, bound by duty, to strip away the person's life and soul, for once Death has decided to let it go as she watches he walks away. The only human who had ever made her felt disturbed or flustered. And that alone was a good enough reason to keep this new him alive, at least for awhile.




They said time heals all wounds, does it? Does it really heal all wounds, I'm still trying my best here, I have great friends, the ones you can count on, I have a great job, or so I believe I mean heck what is there to complain when you're going to be made into an associate, I'll be moving into a new swanky apartment, I still have my parents given that they don't try to kill each other, I'm still alive and all my limbs are still intact. So what is wrong with the picture you ask?

Easy, for all the things a person can fight for in this world, there'll bound to be payment made either in blood or tears or emotions. Don't believe me, look around yourself, you see war torn countries around, and you see well flourished ones too around, you see murderers and criminals as well as good samaritans, some pf you might say it's a balance between God and nature, to strike a balance for us to learn. But...my take on it is simply this, there could be no well developed countries if there is no discrimination on other countries, it's a cycle, when you do something, something needs to be repaid, to get so called peace do war unto others, when you love a person you will hurt to learn about it, to fight for what you believe in you might lose a lot. In this case, I have everything a person could ever want, a high paying job, a bloody swell resume, superb friends, family, shelter etc etc, so why is it there is this empty hole in my heart every morning I wake up to? I lost a very precious thing to my heart and I didn't know how precious it was to me till I lost it. To protect myself I in turn sacrificed that one thing.

Am I in love? Yeah, at long last I am, but it is an unrequited love. Scarry? Hell, yeah. Does thinking about that person constantly dictates you're in love with that person? No, thinking and feeling good alongside scared shows that you are in love. Reconciliation? I do want it, but does that person want it? Does that person even love me? I don't know, sometimes I can feel it, sometimes I can tell he's feeling lonely and sad without even looking at him, and that's scarry. Or maybe it's just wishful thinking. That whatever I think he feels is what I secretly hope that he feels. Crushes? By the dozen, do I do anything bout them? No. Why not? Coz I'm scared and I can't feel for anybody else.

Ppl come and tell you that if you like that person, go ahead, go for it. I don't know whether I can or not. I want to but I'm scared of rejection. All the emotions hid under a cold hard exterior, laughing face. When you yearn for a person so badly what do you do? Do you go forth? Or do you lay low and be in denial? Do you cut off the person thinking it will be easier to forget him while still have his memory lurking in your mind? Or do you let it go, all the layers of protection and trust in God giving you a hand? So many questions, and yet do I still do anything bout any of these issues?




The ever lovable Fr0stie came down to KL, my ever adorable Butler, Jason-Boy was in town too. So here are the array of pics. And yes, the next time I catches the dj's eye I will go up to him and chat him up.

As for today there are just pics. I'll get back to my depressed mode tomorrow.

Click Here Cam-Whoring



I'm glad that I met up with all of these people over the weekend, as next weekend it's going to be war back in my hometown. Choices, probably it's for the best, probably my life will be set straight once it's over.

Anyways, to Jason dear, it was lovely to see you again, Sharine, I just realized how much I missed you, Irene darling dear has always been there for me, Fr0stie dear, great to see that though we just knew each other for the past few months you are great to hang out with and thank you for introducing your girlfriend Zoey to me, and Zoey, you're one happening chick lah, hopefully your kids with Fr0stie is not colourblind as well.