Merdeka lah. I don't even want to get into the details of the whole political issues in this country. All I want to say is.

I miss the ocean. Badly, that I feel like fucking crying now. I am supposed to be in Phuket now. Can't because of work.

I want to hear the roar of the waves crashing down.

I want to ride the waves.

I want to be a freesurfer.

I want to wake up early in the morning, around 6 or 7, to call surf watch, and to run out to the beach and get on the waves. Stupid Malaysia fucking don't have this facility, even Thailand pun ada, siap bagi flyer lagi forecasting the sets and intervals.

I didn't expect to be in Malaysia this Merdeka, it was planned nicely already, now I can't go because of a stupid proposal for the outsourcing of Singapore's equivalent of JPJ IT and Operations.

I want to surf with my boys.

I want to rip it nicely, cut backs, bottom turns, whatever else that I can do.

I want to get a new shortboard.

I want to get away from everybody, the noise, the chatter, the ding of sound.

I need my waves. Need it horribly. More than a boyfriend.

I am waiting for October, I do not care if it's Raya, I have lost whatever I have for festivities donkey years ago.

I am suffering, so laugh lah at my expense to those who does. I don't fucking care anymore.

I just want the waves. That is all that matters to me now and in the future.




You sense it lurking beneath you, circling in the dark shallows. You've tempted fate, time and time again, but now the piper's rent is due in full. Never any warning, just a feeling that something's "not quite right". Suddenly, the ocean's surface tension drops beneath you, mysteriously drawing you downward - a fateless mishap on an otherwise glorious maritime outing.

Cold, black eyes, gaze upward, searching for the ultimate moment to springboard from the dirty depths to strike - a silent death rots high above, the wings of revelation.

False moves are quickly manifested into false hopes. In a flash of twisted brilliance, the once tranquil water is maniacally thrashed. Those cold, black eyes roll inward. Thick, maroon, plasmatic jelly spills onto the surface amidst cartilage, flesh and bone all crashing together in an ultra violent waltz of human deconstruction.

Innards and entrails are brutally spat out at the moment of ingestion; refuse redirected outward. Just rejected, useless garbage floating in the current.

We taste like shit.

Who said surfers can't write for nuts, it might not be as nicely strunged and poetic as Shakespeare, or as finely written as Kafka's depiction of morbidity, but it's the writer's honest and brutal depiction on what really happens sometimes out there on the ocean's surface.





The story of Charm and Thai progresses last night, with me passing the phone to Charm, and they finally talked. Sighs. Funny bit is though, he just spoke to her, and yet he started complaining to her about me being too busy.

Thai: Are you sure you guys can come down to Bali in October or when we go up there you guys have time for us? Lizz is always busy, even when she was here. She said she'll call, and she didn't.

Wow, bro, you hardly even know Charm and you're complaining to her about me, who's known you for quite awhile now. So petty, hahahha, but amusing nevertheless. But yeah, sorry that I had to bail when I promised that I will see you guys in August. Work, more important.

It doesn't stop there, the words " Lizz is fucking busy ", is a freaking mantra now, till Syaf said something that Lyn said to him, about me looking like a harried rabbit.

Do I feel bad about not meeting up with some people, breaking my promises, etc etc? In the past I would, now, I don't, coz at the end of the day, my work is important to me, my priorities are important to me too. I realized the more I tried to pacify people, the more annoyed I am with them, and I'll just break. So now, I do it according to what I want. I won't turn up at Maison tonight for the launching, why? Coz I have a global telecon and I want to rest and I want to go downhill skateboarding. At least I can have maybe 2 hours of me time before I head out for downhill. Yeah, I am always late, but hey I did say I will be late right.

Look I was even late for the Juice's Hats and Bananas event, and the guy who invited me, was no small fry in the industry, and I don't even have time to see him on a normal basis like my other friends. Yeah, one day people will get fed up asking me out and me saying " I can't ", but work is work. I try to make it up, by calling, talking so as that whoever it is can still talk to me, and not totally lose me, my bill last month itself was a 4 digit. Am I complaining? No, but if I have people like the guy that I kinda like blew off on Wednesday whingeing about not seeing me often enough, I'll just put it very bluntly that I am not at their beck and call. There are people whom I will be there for them, and so far these same individuals have been the most understanding of them all. And I adore them.

Yeah, I might still not sleep enough, but that's due to work, and that's acceptable by me. But if it's because of some sob ass story, now, in the present, I will scream and berate you. There are very few people whom can have me at their beck and call, Mr Evil being one of them. Sure, occasionally I don't mind, but I will no longer put up with nonsensical phone calls in the middle of the night. Think I am being crude now, I don't even fucking care when one of the pros called me in the middle of the night, I scolded him, though it was an honest mistake on his behalf actually, he didn't realized the time difference. So now, I learnt to be more accomodating, international calls, are ok, sometimes. My apologies there bro.

Look people learnt from mistakes, I did. I didn't realized that trying to be wonderwoman in the past was killing me. Now I do, so now I have more me time. Plus, with funny ass things happening almost everyday when you have such goofballs boys, you can afford to have your own time at your own accord.




Him: So are you coming over tonight? You're always busy, and you're always talking to me on the phone, instead of being around.

Her: Do you want me to come over tonight?

Him: No, I want you to stay over. I want us to talk nicely to each other instead of being on the phone all the time.

Her: Look, why don't you ask the other guys out or something, I am busy, I am working, I need to work.

Him: But you're always working, you don't sleep at night, you work and work, and run around. The only times I see you is when we all go downhill, or after surfing, and that is if you go.

Her: You know that I need to work, and sides, I have grown accustomed to you know, not having a permanent male fixture in my life, it has always been short, and I didn't sleep with any of them too, you're going to be around for 2 years, I don't know how to cope with having somebody around that long, and besides you will move on to greener pastures.

Him: Well, we can be buddies with fringe benefits.

Her: I don't think so dear, look, yes, it happened once with you, but as I've said I am not used to having the same guy hanging around in my life for a long period, even a couple of weeks is long enough for me, and you're player and I'm a player wannabe, I don't want to get used to having you around, when I don't want you, and I think you're getting too used talking and having me around in a way.

Him: So what you're saying is it's unhealthy for you and me? Ok, come to think of it, yeah I agree with you on this.

Her: Yeah, it's unhealthy, and I like my non committable relationships lifestyle, don't get me wrong, I love spending time with you, when I can. Yeah, that one time was good, but hey, let's not repeat it again.

Him: I agree. So how do we go about this then?

Her: As we normally would, as if nothing happen, which incidentally is true, nothing did happened in the relationship department there. Maybe I just don't talk so much to you now as I would've but we are still friends like we always are.

Him: I think maybe it's best we don't talk to each other at all for awhile, unless we meet up during the other times.

Her: Well, if that's what you want, OK, I'm game. So I'll see you around bro.

Him: Yeah, I'll see you around too.

And it was as easy as that, between two consenting adults. She got her space back, breathes a sigh of relief.

On another note, I heard this in my collection of cds.

I stood accused and guilty of many crimes
I went and burned my offerings a thousand times

I know the place the landscape been here before
I will not walk the bad mile anymore

Cause I have seen the sun that I shine
Comes down like pouring waters
And two wrongs will never make a right

Many times what we´re believing
Is bound to change just like the season
We´re blind eyed of short side
Mistake the darkest night for the light of day

So if tonight I´m leaving and finally let go
Maybe you´ll find a freedom you´ve never known

Somehow some truth there. Nobody can judge me, whether I have changed or not, except me.

New car, new car, new car, it's here, it's here, oooh yeah ooohh yeeaaahh, not the one that I originally wanted but heck surfing comes first man, money to travel first, but at least new car, and feel so wanted by me da, for once, coz he actually paid half of the amount for me. Yay, yay.




Hopefully in the future, that's me taking this barrel, tubing it all the way. My dream for this new monsoon, to overcome my fear of being wipe out.

Bloody gnarly, but this is my dream break. Though it would be nice if it's glassier, but look at the tube man. Sweet.

One other dream I have for myself, instead of the Lombok and Mentawaai charter boats, I want the Haumana, off Tahiti.

Oh well, let's see where my travels shall bring me, I love KL, I do, but I can't stand the monotonous lifestyle here. It's crazy, it's boring and it's depressing. Yeah, there's so many happenings, and more likely I will be seen at one or the other. But I can't see myself, spending all my life not being out of Malaysia, just for the sake of being stingy or scared of venturing out. My mum can do that, some other people can do that, but not me. I guess this travel bug is probably the other thing, that I've inherited from me Da. Can understand the anguish he feels when my mum clipped his wings, from a person whom was well travelled to the man he is now. I love both of my parents, not as a unit, but separately, I am no longer ashamed to say they don't function well as a unit. Looking on the bright side, I can pick on whichever elements of theirs to cater to me. I mean, it's like, for example, me mum hates the fact that I love travelling, and I especially love surf travelling or solo travelling ( not so likely already now, seeing I have alot of kaki already now ), she would always compare me to nice girls like "whoever" and all the others, ( in fact she did it again like last week, and I'm like whatever ma, they're happy like that, I am not on the other hand ) and say things like why can't I sit quietly, get a guy, and just do normal stuff like all of them. I use to answer her like this " Coz I can ma, I don't want to be old and think about lost time, just coz I was stingy or I didn't work hard enough to substantiate my lifestyle ". So she decided to evolve her way of nagging by telling me " You can travel as much as you want when you're married, with your husband and kids, or you'll end up like my cousin, well travelled but alone ", and I'll say " Alot has gotten married and are happy and brimming with life, I don't want to be bitter and say things like oooohhh I sacrifice everything for you kids lalalalalala like some parents do ", by now she'd learn to not bring up her cousin as an example. Whereelse me da, when I tell him I'm going somewhere, he'll just ask with who and how long, and tell me to take care of myself, and hand over all the necessary items and numbers to him. It's the same with clothes, me da doesn't approve how I dress, but me mum is a-ok with it.

Of course I understand why my mum is worried about my marital status, having a daughter who is to a certain point have choices of men in her life, but not picking any is worrying by any standard. I just don't want one, that's all, 'sides when I found the one, I would like to be loyal to him and vice versa, I don't want to just pick any tom, dick or harry.

Matta Fair's around the corner, gonna get me some tix. Hhhmm wonder whether that free flight to Auckland is still valid or not, seeing that I have accumulated alot on my enrich points during the old business class flights, better still if I'm allowed to change the destination. One thing I do miss about business class, bloody hell the sate and food, sighs, kid you not sate damn fucking good.

So cheers to a good year, of experiences, both good and bad.

May my shortboard Gecko, be in good hands. You have serviced me well, and I have been happy but it's time for a new and improved shortboard. I would like a new canvas that is totally mine whereby each ding and crack that it bores is mine to tell, from the numerous wipe outs to the hopefully good surfer I might be in the future.

On another note, I think I shall follow Charm's advice and get myself another phone line, so as that people close to me can call me when I want to be left alone by the others. It's becoming a habit, me switching off my mobile, but I can't afford to do that on a normal basis as I do have to answer the company's calls. But I think I'll be able to work this out.

I am quite cranky nowadays, work, break outs, needy clingy fools, not surfing enough, not reading enough, not having enough me time, are all the contributing factors. Lethargic and fatigueness too. Funny though, in one of my many midnight alone excursions in the living room last night lead me to watch In Good Company at 4 in the morning. To which at one scene, Damien Rice's Cannonball was playing in the background. Cool I thought. It has been awhile since I've heard Damien Rice, kinda miss his whiny depressing melancholic tunes.

Now for the serendipity part, is it possible that two people who knows each other by name from a mutual friend to say the same thing without knowing what one or the other said? Apparently it is, Charm has been seen to say this " Hey he's my future boyfriend, besides the fact we never met but yeah ", and proceeded on laughing like mad at herself. Thai has been caught saying " I'm keeping myself for her Lizz, you can't have me, coz I am going to marry her ", and proceeded on laughing like mad at himself. Yeap, they were talking about each other without knowing what the other said. And me being the mutual friend, finds this f*cking amusing. So is there really such a thing as serendipity, let's see how the tale of Thai and Charm goes on in the future shall we? Hehehehehe.

p/s: Thai fucking reminds me of that VJ from Channel V, Dominic Lau. Hawt hawt!




This is what I think of it, far from me being the person to care much about nonsensical issues, this has somehow piqued me to say something for the brouhaha over Sharifah Amani's acceptance speech. And here it goes.

" TRUST THAT PARTICULAR RACE, TO MAKE MOUNTAINS OUT OF MOLEHILLS, TO EMULATE THEIR OVERTLY DRAMATISED DRAMAS IN REAL LIFE THAT THEY PRODUCES ON A CONSTANT BASIS, MUCH TO THE ANNOYANCE OF EVERY INTELLEGENT BEING THAT WALKS THE SURFACE OF EARTH "

This whole issue has struck a nerve in me. I can speak Malay, maybe not so well versed as others, but it's passable, I think. But there was a time at one point in my life, I was ridiculed by people, for my lack of prowess in the Malay language. To which had I've been the person that I am now, I would've retorted, what the f*ck for? To be as dim, shallow, and critical as you all, no thanks then. Why should I be taunted by it too, in school, one of my class teachers commented that unlike the norm in Malaysia, whereby we just speak Malay or English, I was going all wrong with it by translating English to Malay, whenever I spoke Malay. Needless to say, all my grammar and usages of phrases was all wrong. She was surprised too by my distinction in my Bahasa Melayu SPM results, by which she said I didn't deserve it. Maybe she is right, what with the current education system we have, but that is another matter altogether.

What Sharifah Amani was saying was true and simple. That, yes, she will sound stupid had she spoken in proper Malay, why? It is due to her lack of holdings on the language itself, she wasn't implying that the language was stupid or it was stupid to converse in Malay. All she was trying to say, while I might add, struggling to string the phrases and convey the message is, she would sound stupid BECAUSE she's not so well versed in Malay. The fact that she tried to placade everybody else by at least trying her best goes unseen. And that, is what I call lack of tolerance and understanding on the critics part. Another very well known trait amongst these people. Others would refute this by saying, hell, she's malay, why should she not be able to converse the language nicely, or why she didn't bother in brushing up on her malay. Does race matter so much? Some might say, she's not culturally intuned with her own culture. To which I would like to ask this, how many of you out there, knows for a fact that you, as a descendant of your family, is a through end through race of whatever you may think you are? The refutes, opinions and rebuttals done in retaliation to Sharifah Amani's speech, were for the most part founded on the whole race issue, not respecting the culture. So basically, what everyone of them is trying to say is, seeing that she's seen as a Malay, she shouldn't have said all that she did in her speech. That's rather 'tolerant'.

I can go on and on, and pick at all the lines that were picked and scrutinised by the critics, and refute whatever baseless and senseless accusations is being thrown at the girl. But I will just say this, are all of you so dense and thick headed to oversee the obvious, that this is a girl who tried out of respect for all of you, in her mangled up Malay, to convey what she wanted too, don't she at least get credits for that? She didn't mean any harm, but all of these people, took it up to arms, and started to bombard her about this. She might have conveyed what she really wanted to, which might be how thankful she is, or how much she hopes that the local film industry will churn out more commendable thought provoking mind boggling movies, instead of the endless twitter twatter that's being produced nowadays, had she done her speech in English, or her preferred languange. But then again, seeing and observing the traits of certain societies or people, another mountain will be in the making then, which would be " She is malay, she's insulting us by not giving her speech in Malay ". And this is what I would like to term as a die-die situation.

I pity the girl, but I'll say this, " What doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger ", and in due time, she will be better than all of the so called critics. In more ways than one.




Anybody with any sense or a brain worth using would know that snowboarding is virtually impossible in Malaysia. Need I explain why? Funny, some of you might think, seeing that I snowboard, or rather I snowboarded before. As I've said I am more into surfing than anything else, but, once a person is into what others termed as " Alternative Sports ", it is therefore only logical that we tend to do alot of other sports as well, such as downhill skateboarding, kite surfing and etc etc. One would notice the semblance or similarities between one sport with another sport. One example being surfing and downhill skateboarding.

Being in Malaysia, we are not bestowed with breaks all year around, as I've said before, the only 'happening' waves breaks in during the monsoon. Anyway, one way to satisfy the need to surf and practise is by doing downhill skateboarding. As I am still pretty new to it, I'll write something about it once I've grappled enough knowledge concerning it. All I can say for now is between downhill skateboarding and surfing, there are alot of similarities between the both, the techniques, the balancing, the tricks, the only stark difference is probably one is done on gravel and the other is on waves. So for me, freebording and snowboarding provides that exact simulation too, whereby, snowboarding's on powder, and freebording's on gravel.

Snowboarding

Snowboarding is relatively unknown in Malaysia, or any other south east asia countries. Heck, look around, what snow, to start with? But it doesn't mean, we do not have any snowboarders around, aha!, but we do. If the surfing community is small in Malaysia, just imagine the snowboarding community, and most of them, do not take it seriously, no surprises there. Snowboarding can be divided into 3 types of snowboarders, freestyler, freerider and Alpine riders. Seeing that it will be too much to go into all three at one go, I'll just approach the freestyler range. A freestyler has more, what they refer to as "Air" time instead of carving through powder like the freeriders. The boards used too, is wider and shorter than those of freeriders as it enables them to pull back flips, Andrect nose grabs and whatever else tricks there is.

Alot have the notion that snowboarding is similar to skateboarding. Without a doubt, there might be some similarities between skateboarding, surfing and snowboarding. But I would beg to differ on this. Alot has the (mis)judgement that being a skateboarder or surfer, makes the process easier to pick up snowboarding and the other way around. *EEEKKK so wrong. Snowboarding uses bindings, which straps down your feet to the board, with your toes and heels sticking slightly out the width of the board. Why? Well, peeps, this is how you carve or manevour the slopes or range, yeap, by using your toes and heels to apply the right amount of preassure to the edges. I am not kidding you, strapping up the wrong sized board and having your toes sticking out too much, will cause what they call a toe drag, whereby your toes may catch in snow while doing a turn, thus send you reeling. And trust me when I said, it's f*cking painful. So this is the huge difference between snowboarding and skateboarding and surfing, snowboarders need to apply preassure on the edges to manevour and carve powder. Skateboarders and surfers don't.

So where does freebording comes in?

Freebording

The same physics used in snowboarding is applied into freebording, the bords, are actually a recent modification to the X-80 extreme skateboards I think, whereby one of the major difference between a freebord and a skateboard, is the 2 additional castor wheels mounted between the trucks. Thus enabling a unique sliding system not so different as a snowboard's. The side wheels, is slightly elevated, barely touching the ground. Some might ask, if the 2 castor wheels are the only wheels touching the ground, why therefore is there a need for the other 4 wheels. Simple. A freebord was created to simulate snowboarding without snow, so as you can do it all year around without snow or powder. The wheels act as the edges of a snowboard, whereby a snowboarder would apply preassure to carve, the freeborder will do the same, thus, pushing the side wheels down to manevour on the streets. Rather brilliant eh? So basically a snowboarder is also a freeborder, and vice versa, as I've said the freebord was created to enable all year round fun of snowboarding without snow.

So basically, there is no need of freebording vs snowboarding. It is the same bloody thing, though, yeah as a friend of mine commented, it's the thrill that you get while carving down the slopes that differentiates between freebording and snowboarding. As for me, being in Malaysia means, that most of the time I can only freebord, unless of course I travel out of Malaysia. Well at least I know I won't stumble around as a newbie. *laughs.

A freebord nowadays can easily set you back around, between RM800 to RM1000 plus, as freebording is not so known in Malaysia, therefore the only way to get one is by buying it online or if you're in the countries where the Freebord outlets are. There is only one known company that produces Freebords, and that's Freebord themselves, the people whom created it. The bord will need assembly, and tuning. Yes, tuning. To get the best performance out of a freebord, you would have to test ride it a couple of times, to get your bearings and stance right. Tuning is essential, as you would want to optimize the bord to how you ride. So yeah, you would have to learn how to tune it. But never fear, the higher end boards, comes with several manuals and DVDs on how to tune, to assemble, and for the newbie, how to ride it.

Personally I think one can cut down on the cost needed by just buying the board, and not the safety gear, as you can get wrist guards and other things here at a cheaper price. Or you can just not use any of them altogether. For newbies, that's a big no no.

Either way, freebording is relatively new to the world. And yes, like a snowboard, it has bindings too. This is what I call, a false sense of security. Many have this perception that by having bindings, i.e like what's used in kite surfing, snowboarding, etc etc, will provide safety measures to the riders. Truth is, you're perhaps in more danger of hurting yourself more than the non binding sports. Picture this scenario, you're strapped on, rolling downhill, you miscalculated, you stumbled and fall, with your bord still attached to you. That's likely to happen when you use bindings. Where else when you're not using bindings, you could've easily jumped off your board and save yourself from being in such excruciating pain, and for the girls, from a lifelong commitment to having battle scars. But I digress, every sport has its risks. What's life without risks anyways?




This definitely has made my day. For obvious reasons, Mr Evil's real msn handle will be changed, as to protect his identity from overzealous zealots.

[2:02:19] Lizz - Who was the first person to look at a cow and say " I'll squeeze those dangly things and drink what comes out " ? says:
i really wanna know who the fuck did it

[2:02:17] Mr Evil says:
mana lah saya tau...

[2:02:37] Mr Evil says:
i guess, early man started off by sucking on woman's tits...

[2:02:55] Mr Evil says:
after a while, woman didn't like her nipples bitten off n slapped man silly

[2:02:11] Mr Evil says:
so man started sucking on goats n dogs' tits instead...

2:02:19] Lizz - Who was the first person to look at a cow and say " I'll squeeze those dangly things and drink what comes out " ? says:
so wat youre trying to say is they resorted to beastiality then?

[2:02:40] Mr Evil says:
hey, if my dog can hump my leg, i can hump whatever i want

[2:02:52] Lizz - Who was the first person to look at a cow and say " I'll squeeze those dangly things and drink what comes out " ? says:
righto...so the habit of drinking milk was actually contrived by the act of bestiality then...wow...never see it from that point of view

[2:02:49] Mr Evil says:
come on lah... i doubt anyone would find the act of sucking on goat tits for milk natural in any way

[2:02:49] Lizz - Who was the first person to look at a cow and say " I'll squeeze those dangly things and drink what comes out " ? says:
yeah thats true...but why do u drink milk anyways if thats wat u think.....heck i dun drink milk...now having this in my mind...im going to stay away from it like the way i stay away from half boiled eggs.

[2:02:47] Mr Evil says:
hey, anything coming out of something that look that good has GOTTA be good...

[2:02:56] Mr Evil says:
slurp

[2:02:10] Mr Evil says:
niamahai, u giving me a hard on right in the middle of work

[2:02:51] Lizz - Who was the first person to look at a cow and say " I'll squeeze those dangly things and drink what comes out " ? says:
wat the fuck??!!goat's or cow titties look good?geez man...u really like your women saggy dun u?

[2:02:06] Mr Evil says:
i mean milk from women's tits

[3:03:39] Lizz - Who was the first person to look at a cow and say " I'll squeeze those dangly things and drink what comes out " ? says:
uuhhmm darling dear,,, even that is gross u know...its so ...i dunno its like a form of the oedipus syndrome...or issit the jocasta complex?

[3:03:02] Mr Evil says:
i dunno... blame it on u girls moaning so lusciously while we squeeze 'em

[3:03:11] Mr Evil says:
niamahai, i'm getting another hard on!!!

[3:03:38] Lizz - Who was the first person to look at a cow and say " I'll squeeze those dangly things and drink what comes out " ? says:
ahahahaha.....fucking hell bro, down boy down...*laffs evilly...thought u were into asses more than anything else seeing that your gf is very well endowed in the bossom section

[3:03:41] Mr Evil says:
........... bosom == TITS... BOTTOM == ass

[3:03:02] Mr Evil says:
so how the fuck am i into asses since she's got big titties?

[3:03:16] Lizz - Who was the first person to look at a cow and say " I'll squeeze those dangly things and drink what comes out " ? says:
well u had always u know been talking about asses....n your gf already has nice boobies...which prolly u mite take for granted...so well u got bored n thats y ur into asses

[3:03:40] Mr Evil says:
awwww... is that y u supposed that i haven't tried to bed u yet? cos u lack one? *grin*

[3:03:23] Lizz - Who was the first person to look at a cow and say " I'll squeeze those dangly things and drink what comes out " ? says:
weeell....that mite be the reason...hehehehehahahahahahahahahahaha.

[3:03:01] Lizz - Who was the first person to look at a cow and say " I'll squeeze those dangly things and drink what comes out " ? says:
speaking bout sex rite...damnit....i think *ahem* he is getting abit too clingy now...damnit.

[3:03:13] Lizz - Who was the first person to look at a cow and say " I'll squeeze those dangly things and drink what comes out " ? says:
i know i dun have much of an ass but i think u still sayang me nevertheless mah

[3:03:46] Mr Evil says:
NMH, first she goes w/o sex for so long that she grows another cherry... now that she's popped it, she goes around flirting w everybody, even me... shoo shoo, pi main jauh jauh...

[3:03:15] Lizz - Who was the first person to look at a cow and say " I'll squeeze those dangly things and drink what comes out " ? says:
hahahahaha.....

[3:03:18] Mr Evil says:
let him cling lor... then hv ur fun when u go fuck another guy

[3:03:45] Lizz - Who was the first person to look at a cow and say " I'll squeeze those dangly things and drink what comes out " ? says:
wow...thats certainly deliciously evil rite?

See, how can I not get amused with this. I vowed to myself that I would want to be as successful as Mr Evil, in both career and playing around. Hahahahah...oh yeah, drought's over now, ahahaaha, and fuck man, I have never felt nothing more in my whole life than now. There goes whatever's left of my conscience for the past weekend. Muahahaha. Maybe it'll make a comeback seeing there is a person who has that undying faith in me. And yeah I find him cute and endearing, so off limits there.




I must not procrastinate.

Really seriously, work is pilling, monsoon's arriving, the beaches are becking, the swells have my name imprinted on them. I am supposedly to finish up my papers by the end of this year, if not no bonus, which is a really huge sum. I am supposedly to pay up the balance for my new car, which is supposedly arriving next week. I am supposed to book the tickets up north already, supposedly to be there to surf. Supposedly I was to be at an emergency meeting last week, with the other contractors, needless to say I didn't make it, twice. I am supposedly supposed to be early for work, but needless to say I am rarely early. I am supposedly to be there every weekend to surf, but then again, I have by now been called the FFK queen.

Why? Work and a whole ton of other stuff to do, I can't remember the last time I didn't have to rush for anything. This project has taken up all my time, that I only allow myself to blog when I needed a break, like now. I haven't seen Leo for awhile, I haven't seen my Mr Evil for awhile, I haven't seen Charm for awhile, I haven't seen any of my boys for ages, and when I do see people, I am still rather preoccupied, sighs. I was supposed to cook dinner for a few friends, needless to say I forgot and I have to reschedule it. It's therapy, cooking for friends that is. I still have a few more groups that I am supposed to cook for seeing that my place now can accomodate huge ass crowds. Oh yeah I should have done all the designing of my new place by now, haven't gotten around it. I am supposed to jog at least 2 Kilometres and swim 30 laps a day, to prepare for the monsoon. But all I'm doing is walking and smoking like a chimney, that my smoking habits has become quite legendary at some places amongst some people. The chimney they call me. I wasn't in the mood to enjoy the jazz festival, even though a friend, Fly was on bass all night, and I left.

I have forgotten that I was supposed to help out my darling boy, Oki, with his college work, or something. Probably the only kid, I'll ever allow calling me Mum, Mam, or Mummy. I have not forgotten that I still get very annoyed by 30 something year old men, who still like to loiter around. It's becoming quite apparent to everybody that I refused to talk to them, coz looking at them just annoys the shit out of me, that I paddle out while surfing, because one of them deliberately went for a left break, and blocked my way. Honest mistake? No, he's a natural footer, and has always been on a right break, yes, irregardless of goofy or natural footer, a surfer can still go on either breaks, left or right. But he was doing it deliberately as I gotten wiped out due to him blocking, and he started to tease and talk to me, and I paddled out saying, " I am not in a mood, especially for you ", to which upon hearing that he went back to his normal spot, and proceeded not to bother me. Bloody dense. Big no no in surfing community to cut ppl. I am not kidding you, I have seen ppl being beaten up by other surfers for cutting. Heck I believe in that too, it's just bloody rude. That's not how it's supposed to be like at all. Don't cut or ride on another surfer's wave. Fucking chee bye ah if you do. Pissed as hell thinking bout it.

Work, Work, Work!




It seriously gets to you when in a span of one week, you have so many individuals, especially from the opposite sex asking why are you still unattached. Which is odd, considering the fact that alot of people that I know are like just recently married or going to get married and that fact alone doesn't bother, even with the countless times they asked when it's going to be my turn. It gets pretty dodgy though when a team manager asks whether you enjoy sex, and upon answering yes, he proceeded on nagging you that you can get regular sex if you have a boyfriend. Well, my answer to that is, I don't have to be attached to have sex. But having said that though, I don't practise in the strictest of sense a player's lifestyle as some people has claimed that I do, yes, I do believe in infidelity, and there's always a choice out there which might or might not be better. I do to a certain extent stand by the ' mark a few notches on the bedpost ' deal, but as a close friend of mine commented once about another, a ' cannot make it ' player, you would have to leave your conscience outside the bedroom if you want to have a go at the situation, if not able to therefore, don't bother in trying to be one, I believe I pretty much falls under this category, shreds of conscience still dictates a part of me. I am pretty sure Mr Evil will agree with her on this, seeing that he has relentlessly reminded me that I should do what is defined right and impetuous by our sense of logic.

Our brand of logic is that, there is no such thing as relationships based on love, by which at the end of the day, relationships are based more on a sense of duty, responsibility and the fear of growing into old age, alone, than love itself. Others would discount this belief of ours, by stating that both he and I are of the same situation, whereby our families are not exactly your average Brady Bunch happy family sort, so therefore we are in no way anywhere near to being able to judge this as fairly as we should. However doesn't that actually gives us both the leverage to foretell things and aspects not seen in any relationship by the happy go lucky sort of person? Doesn't having been through all of this, puts us in a position to be able to avoid problems of which is intricated along relationships? I on one hand see it as the upper hand at times.

Far from me being miss conservative, I do however, not believe in sleeping with several people at the same phase or time frame, to a certain extent I do believe that though it is just a fling, being monogamous is much more easier to handle and cope with. Despite saying that, I don't believe just by being monogamous in a fling, automatically puts the card of being committed and having a relationship out on the table as an option. I am aware that this whole concept that I might think I have is impalpable to a certain point. I don't exactly fit the profile of a player, I have not cut as many notches as I would wish I had, being a surfer I have not slept with another surfer, in fact to be frank, I had not had sex for the past 6 months I think. Which is probably why it is therefore understandable that Mr Evil is rather adamant on this issue. How I came about to this whole player bit, well, I have been called that on numerous occasions due to my flirtatious and affectionate behaviour, and don't get me wrong I would like to think that maybe I can be a player too. So I don't see this as an insult. I have found myself lusting after certain men, just to find my interest tapering off in instant too. The record being within 24 hours, where I just lost whatever it was I had for him, got bored, and start ignoring him.

Some might see it as leading or stringing a person along, truth is I actually do agree with this notion. I am not trying to project verisimilitude, I don't believe in trying to be something that I am not. On one hand, I am all out for the lifestyle of living freely and not being committed to anybody, but on the other hand, I am not practising what I am preaching about. Which makes me ponder over another friend's choosen words for my predicament, defense mechanism. I can't help but find myself thinking that he might be right, that me being in this current phase and avoiding all forms or semblance of relationships is a twisted form of defense mechanism. My gal pal quipped " You are convincing yourself that it's no good for you, you should just go with the flow ", she might be right. But she might not. If giving a relationship is what I wanted, then why oh why am I not comfortable with it?

Sense of belonging, not too long ago, somebody asked me have I experienced a sense of belonging to anybody, I don't know, I can't remember. Maybe I did, but it was too painful that I blocked the memory, maybe I never did. To a certain point, it is nice coming home to a person, whom you could cuddle up to on the couch, who could kiss your worries away, and just be there, warm and affectionate, but it too can be rather disconcerting coming back home, wanting your own space, being cranky, having arguements, having issues, chemistry fizzling out, etc etc. To which the best solution by my brand of logic is to have short flings whereby I'll get at least some of that warmth and forego the other troubles of being together. The only trouble though, I seem to be having trouble going against my conscience on this. Understand this though, I do enjoy my singlehood immensely, but days such as these, it is somehow nice to get back, switch on the telly and have him rubbing your back while you snuggle up closer to him. Or just head back home, drink some hot coco, lazing around and enjoying the solitude.

It does get to a person, when she is neither here nor there.

Could you think it over?
When we get older
I'll still want you here with me
Darling I hope that you agree
There's something that takes place
Whenever we embrace
I'm hoping that you take this chance
Of steppin' out to dance
Kaskade's Steppin' Out




And I quote Brian, one of the many unsponsored pros of Malaysia, " It's bloody nice, if you have a partner, in my case a girlfriend that surfs too, it'll be great, when you have a partner in sync with you ". Unquote.

Amen to that bro, amen. Surfing with a love interest is great, not that I have a serious love interest, but it will be nice to have one, if I ever do get out of this " I don't believe in all this relationship crap" phase, but so far, surfing even with the people that I am not committed to has been swell. Not to say, I will forever live this whole surfer's lifestyle, whereby I'll play around for good, sooner or later I might find the right person, but for now when you are surrounded by a bevy of really hunky men, you can't help but be very laidback about things and play the field. But even though if I ever do settle with one person and be committed, one thing's for sure is, if he can't accept me being surfer, he can take a hike. So I am sorry if there are guys out there interested in me, but as soon as you've said, why do you like all these extreme sports thingy in such a condescending manner, bye bye out you go. Does that answer why I avoided a few of you people.

I can answer for every one of us, this is NOT a hobby, where you can pick up and ditch whenever you feel like it, surfing is a LIFESTYLE. I am getting sick of explaining it to everybody over and over again. It's hard to explain how, but we are always stoked, always, waiting for the swell, we have become so intuned with the ocean that we get all fidgety when we could feel a swell coming in on the east coast. The feeling is so indescriable, I mean how many of non surfers are willing to travel the world, which would naturally cost alot of money? Not many, not the ones that I know anyways, all my surfing buddies, every one of them are willing to go travel surf and experience new cultures, plus they never say "aiya so expensive lah....bla bla bla bitch bitch ". FYI, most of these people are freelancers, they work hard when they can, get the cash and travel, now that's what I call living it. Instead of staying around here whingeing incessantly about how broke, how bored, and why others are making it and you're not.

I didn't have to look far, Brian, Leo and a few others are following me down to Morocco, lo and behold, yay, my so called turf there. To surf and snowboard. All I need to do now, is to liase with the people there, get a nice villa, overlooking La Source probably, seeing I'm a goofy footer, and bargain for the price. The plan is to catch a flight up to Spain, and from Spain, catch a ferry down to Tangier, Morocco. It's alot cheaper that way, instead of flying and changing how many airlines to reach either Casablanca or Agadir or Marrakech. Most of us are freelancers, they are those like me, who works on a normal basis, but it's only a sooner or later scenario for us too I would like to think. It's only a matter time, before everybody finds a better way to freelance to earn more, and travel everywhere without being tied down to a job.

Now, having said all of that right, what would make anybody think it's a hobby? Hey if you don't know many other surfers, just look at me, in a matter of a few months, all I can think of is the ocean, the swell, the waveriding. Whatever I buy or do now, is to surf and keep up my stamina, for the waves. Of course, call us slackers or whatever, but truth is if we are such slackers right, why are we going places and still live comfortably and you're not? Hmmm interesting ain't it? *chuckles evilly, if I have crossed the line and stomped on a few toes, that was fully intentional. I can't help it. I frankly don't care if normal people are going to associate surfing with drugs or laziness, or fucking around. Betul, all true, righto, correct, no rebuttals there at all. Yeap we are a lazy bunch ( who so happens out of laziness goes for comps all over outside malaysia ), who does drugs ( yeah we are always high on weed, but somehow we still do a great job at our work ) and fucks around ( well, that depends, really, we are in the position whereby we have more eye candy than most does ). So go ahead, say whatever, some turn to having relationships, some turn to religion, but I specifically turn to surfing which can provide me all of that and the freedom that's so fucking on.

So back to the partner issue, of course if I do ever feel like committing I would want a guy who's supportive about my surfing at least, that is if he doesn't surf. So 2 more months before the first monsoon swell hits, happy malaysian's surfers' new year, stay stoked! and surf's up!

~Try life, living on the edge, dazzling all the dangers, tonight, with all form desires, no common sense, just holding free~

Listening to: Fierce Angel's Tokyo Disco: Hott22 vs Bonnie Bailey - No Promises 'Original 12" Mix'




Boredom sinks in, LOL. Yeap, it has passed, the smitten phase. But that's just me, let's see how he goes about this one. Now this is interesting, as he's a really nice guy, I like my boys, to dabble into the bad side, seeing that I have no interest of commitment at all, so it's only logical that boys who are known to have a streak of, I repeat this as STREAK only, of badness can cope with what I want. Bad boys are fun too, but only when I'm really really into risking everything, and that's not the case nowadays coz I'd rather be the one to kiss and tell, but in the current phase of my life, it's kiss and ditch. Having said that though, the idea of ditching an insanely bad boy is really delicious and tempting, but alas, I can't seem to find them around nowadays. Oh well, in this particular case though, he is quite the debonair, charming and sensitive metrosexual, plus, and is pretty much into most of what I'm into. So basically he's the sweet and nice guy, nothing bad about him, so I got bored, and Mr Evil is not so happy about this turn of events, as the whole idea is to get laid, as he has so many times said. What can I say, I like him but I'm bored, plus he didn't held my interest long enough, so yeah I'd rather not. When I said he's nice, imagine this, his dating life is not as colorful as mine, why I said that, easy, he had only 3 girlfriends, he doesn't do flings, but that doesn't mean he doesn't look like a bad boy, the problem is he does, he looks like your average, cute, broody kinda player. So imagine my dissappointment, when he's not. Oh well, there goes such a cute catch to toy around with.

Don't get me wrong, I do not toy around with boys, that doesn't know what I really want. It has to be a two way thing, he understands what I want, and I understand what he wants. I don't believe in commitment or any of this relationship shit, so knowing that, he ought to know what to expect then. I am not at your beck and call, I need my space and I shall see you only when I feel like it and do what I want. That's me now. Or maybe that has always been me, it's just that now I am actually allowing myself to do as I please, because it is so boring being part of society's blueprint or yardstick when you're not.




Gloriously, deliciously smitten. Then again, I know myself too well too, it'll pass by like all the other times. Besides, being single is fun. Thought it was rather juvenile, that we spent a whole night talking on the phone, but according to somebody, it was so cute and sweet. Hahahaha, but as I've said, he's just too good to be real, knowing my whole take on relationships, people and dating, I'll get bored soon enough, and 'sides, life is not so complicated when you don't share it with anybody in the sense of somebody special, partner, boyfriend or whatever terms that society has coined for that purpose. Though, it was rather a surprise to have him broached the topic of sense of belonging. As I've said too good to be true, but I'm smitten nevertheless. *grins widely.




I despise Visual Basic, it makes no sense at all to me.
I despise people who shamelessly ask for things from me, just coz I have extra doesn't mean I can't choose who to give it to. Shame on you. Even your good friend repriminded you.
I despise my work now. I really do.
I despise not being able to just laze around for abit.
I despise being sick, and still working.
I despise having all my waking hours, which incidentally is all the time, dedicated to work. Especially if its Visual Basic.
I despise having people breathing down my neck.
I despise superiors who doesn't recognise your hard work.

Last but not least,

I despise the fact that I am blogging now, when I should work.