That's it folks, flings. I'm back in the game for the time being at least. Monogamous rut scares the bejeezes out of me, and I don't fucking care what others have to say. At least I am having fun, call me a player, call me a slut, call me a bitch. But once I said it's a fling, it IS a fling. Nothing more, nothing less. Maybe less though. LOL

Oh don't get me wrong, I do have a fucking conscience now, fuck lah, and maybe one day I will settle down. But for now, it's I don't have any fucking faith in men. So too bad if I broke your heart. I did say from the start not to get attached to me right.

So here's to the beginning of a good monsoon and losing that fucking conscience.

" Oh my, you do have a conscience dear " she said.

I am fucked. Oh well, time and tide waits for no man, or woman for that matter. So let the games begin, and may the best man or woman wins. But first I have to remove this blardy conscience of mine, starting with of course the 18 year old kid. If I can bring myself to do this, I can do anything. I am so going to hell man. Plus there is a certain novelty to raising up the bar in the Toyboy international corp we have right girls? It'll be the first, but heck somebody has to do it, and I am going to enjoy every moment of it. Similar to cutting a few notches to the bedpost for the guy aye? Only that the tables have turned, it's women doing it now. Oh of course health comes first, I'm clean, and the thing about expats is, when they are travelling they need to do a check up. And well lets say I'm not so worried about it.




" I've just had too much flings, and having companionship feels way better "

No, that's not me, but having said that, most people would have suspected maybe late 20's to mid 30's to be saying that. I would have thought so too, have I not seen his learner's license, 1988, yeap peeps, he's 18, a year older than my baby sis. Scared me, scared the hell out of me. Especially when, he went

" I'm going to be impulsive now "

and leaned over and kissed me. No, no I am not a cradle snatcher, he does seem to be very mature for his age, having said that though, I really don't have any inclinations, to go any further than that. Well, hell yeah, he's cute, endearing, funny and a great conversationalist, I mean we did spend alot of time together, talking and laughing. Contrary to popular belief, no, I didn't boink him. But the idea of being as in being with him, scares me.

Of course, I am attracted to him and his charm, as he is to mine, but we both know that I'm not in it for anything else than just to fool around, in fact I haven't exactly been doing that either. I guess it comes down to, I did the stupidest thing ever, the decision to walk and be alone. Well of course I miss said 31 year old, but I am also happier by myself. I don't want trouble, and relationships comes with trouble. I already have way too much drama happening around me without me wanting it. OC lah, guns lah, sick lah, kinda tiring, but heck at least it ain't boring. At least I know the dramas are due to others. Like last 5 days for example. OC oh OC.

Companionship? I don't know, the only person I did ever thought of being able to hold down a relationship with, I decided to call it quits, coz it was scary. Soul searching, is the way to go about things, that's why I decided not to talk to 31 year old till I'm sure of him. But it doesn't mean I won't have flings. In fact having flings gives me a clearer view of things, and what I might want. So far, I have been pretty happy being by myself, so far. Maybe this is what I really want. But others would say, it's not what I want, it's what I need. Oh well, lets see how it is.




New term...well not exactly, seeing it was fully utilised during my stay at "OC", don't ask why we call it "OC", going back there this weekend.

To make a long story short, I shall do it , ala Secondary school essay expansion style.

Arrived late night
Driving range
Meets the aussies
cute eldest son
hung out
gotten dragged into the Malaysian version of the OC
cooked alot
birthday OC style, flour and water all over.
the scandals, the drinking, the low surf
the lepaking and laughing with cute eldest son
the impulsiveness of cute eldest son
the lazing around and chilling
the walks by the shoreline
cute eldest son penchant for being random and affectionate
cute eldest son and drama mom left for KL due to drama
somehow ended up with taking care of the sister
19 year old rugby cum surfer car got tampered with
brawl between one royalty of johore with one sad ass fucktard royalty of pahang
royalty of pahang flailed a gun later on
dragged big bro hawaaiian bryan of the brawl
cops came, siding one or the other party
decide to settle with said culprit
next day lodge report due to owner's kid safety
and a whole load of other things
not to be forgotten malaysian pro taken advantage by adoptive mom, yes SEX between a 50 year old and a 17 year old.

It has been surreal and dramatic, and of course the first few installations of the OC, malaysian way!




Imagine this, speeding down the highway from the causeway just so that you can reach back in time for the ending tasks of the Kerang Project, sure, speeding is great some would say. Especially in a 5 series. FUCK THAT!!!!!!!! For the umpteenth time, I don't like leather seats, they smell funny, they feel funny, they make me sick. All the time.

Why the fuck do you think I don't get into beamers, benz, and other what nots. Not when for the past god knows how many hours you spent in a car vomiting your guts out and having bouts of rashes on everywhere conceivable by mankind.

Yes, Charm, I know I should see an immunologist, I will as soon as everything is done, 'sides it's not like I will be getting into a beamer or benz anytime soon. Well maybe. Don't know.

It's the chemicals they use to treat the seat, it must be. Or it's my psychosomatic reaction towards Sam. Whatever, whichever.

I am tired, this whole working through out the whole time for the past couple of weeks is killing me, not to mention the special tasks that needed to be carried out.

Some of the boys are back, YAY!!!!! Next year Hawaaii, heheheh...somebody will be staying there soon, ahahaha, then its working to just spend winter in Hawaaii to watch the Triple Crown.

I know what I will be in the future. Hahahah, aint telling ya. What I can say is, it's getting there, through pain and grit. Well of course, lets not forget the whole left lobe failing bit, but I think I'll survive, kinda cool actually, if I actually make it.

Hmmm....being a cusp right that would mean, that I would have to read both the scorpio and saggitarius horoscopes, and this is fucking funny. This is the gist of it.

Scorpio: The first 20 days of november basically suck. The last 10 days joy joy and fun fun.
Saggitarius: The first 20 days of november joy joy and fun fun. The last 10 days basically suck.

And I quote my fishing buddy, plus so called "I idiotically spent RM400 so as that my lil boy can watch Barney the other day" proud father of one :

" Daymn, no wonder you're so screwed up, and twisted, you're fucking stuck in between "

Thanks alot Danny, may one day a phreaking huge ass Toman come and swipe you across the face for puncturing his lips ever so often.

Yeah, I go fishing at lakes nowadays, trying out this stupid system they term as " Catch and release ". Well judging by how vicious and ugly those tomans are, I don't blame the whole catch and release shit.

Anyways jam subsided already, time for me to hit back home. And call it a night. No more blogging, no more rubbish, lets just sleep and dream of the comps.

Bloody hell, international roaming bills sucks. This is becoming very routine already.




I aint around now but for this I will, and this weekend of course.

Ahahahah, I am turning 25, dang I feel old now, kinda hard to forget your birthday when coincidentally the comps are during the same weekend. Bryan!!! you are so not going to get me pissed drunk. And sorry for ffk-ing you peeps for ages, especially after the downhill wipe out. No, it's not coz I was seeing somebody, hardly saw much of him anyways, it's well work and well, needing to rest and kick up my stamina. And stop calling me boeing 747, I am not that bad kay. 'Sides I think I'm way hotter than that piece of junk.


SURF'S UP BRAHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




I remember the days when I used to blog relentlessly.
I remember the days where I would go on for days without sleep.
I remember the days when everything seemed all peaches and cream.
I remember how lost I felt later on.

I remember the day when I had my 7 stitches.
I remember the day of my first wipeout, and what it brought me.
I remember the day when everything felt apart on me, and the day when I realised that life was so much easier after that.
I remember being good at what I used to do.

I remember how you reacted to my battle scars and scabs. Oh how you laughed at it.
I remember the taste of your lips against mine.
I remember how you taste, smell, and feel against me.
I remember how you made me laugh.

I remember how you scamper about for my allergies,
I remember how you held me,
I remember how you look thoughtfully as I push poofter playfully like a sack of potatoes,
Wondering wistfully on which is cuter, me pushing poofter or poofter.

I remember the first few signs of it,
I remember how worried and at teether point I was,
I remember how I felt once the diagnosis was out,
I remember how grateful I felt that Charm was there with me when he broke the news to me.

I remember thinking, Oh God, I can collapse and die any moment,
I remember how she held my hand through it all,
I remember the feeling of helplessness,
I remember the feeling of losing faith and hope.

I remember the intense sharp pain in my chest upon doing my daily running,
I remember the feeling of being such a failure when I couldn't run as I did in the past,
I remember the cobalt and coppery taste of bile, phlegm, and blood in my mouth,
I remember dropping to my knees in pain upon reaching a klik.

I remember to bring my blue and purple "friends" along, everywhere,
I remember the side effects my "friends" have on me,
I remember the tremors, the nausea, the headaches,
I remember the feeling having epinepherine coursing through my veins.

I remember the taste of the sea on my lips,
I remember the pain in my arms as I paddle against the current and the joy of the take off,
I remember the people who has never stopped pushing and supporting me,
I remember how surfing was like for me prior to this.

I remember pushing and pushing myself,
I remember telling myself to not let it fail,
I remember what she tells me everyday relentlessly,
I remember it clearly how much she cares.

I remember him, the man who has taught me this 3 years ago,
I remember him, the man who fished me out from those trecherous waters, broken and limp,
I remember him, forewarning me about the other him,
I remember him, walking out and not turning, due to my decision to stick by the other him.

I remember thinking,
How sorry I am that I had to leave,
But it's for my own good,
And I would have to be selfish.

The sun, the sea, the ocean,
The waves, the breaks,
That's what makes me alive,
Not by being with somebody or trying it now.

A person asked before,
" If say, while surfing, you get bitten by a Shark,
would you regret it then? ", he asked.
And I answered,
"No, It's worth it, and I would do it again and again ".

Now I remind myself this everyday,
I am grateful that I am still living,
To take on another wave, no matter how hard it is now,
I am grateful for living.

With that in mind, the comps are next week, right after my birthday, I am forfeited this year. There are more pressing issues to be approached. But I am aiding both of the comps. Peace out!